Erich Fromm said that the capacity to be puzzled is the premise of all creation, be it in art or science. I propose that we add love and relationships to that mix.

I say this not to be flippant, but to illustrate a point. The point being that the differences between men and women should not be seen as a negative but as a necessity to all that makes life enjoyable. And this goes beyond the obvious need to further the human race through procreation!

I’m waxing philosophical today because I had an amazing conversation with one of my editors about how her husband sometimes drives her crazy by what he doesn’t do. I jokingly asked how he was supposed to know what to do if he doesn’t know what to do in the first place?

I can’t quote her exactly but she said something close to: UGH!

She explained that it means a lot to her for her husband to do something and not have to be asked. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the task. It was the thought that her man took the time to think of her and be considerate of her feelings that mattered most.

I  gave it some thought and then had a eureka moment. My wife really likes it when: I call about being late; I take out the trash; send her a birthday card; I clean the kitchen; I get the kids to bed; I make dinner; I make the bed without ever having  to be told.

What does my wife like most of all? When I tell her how much I love her.

It was Lao Tzu that said: When opposites supplement each other everything is harmonious.

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I listen to a lot of talk radio while in my car and was not surprised by my fellow Chicagoan’s reactions to Brett Favre’s retirement: joy, sadness and about time! People were happy yet sad to see one of the all time greats in the history of sports retire. He beat the Bears more times than we care to remember never gloating and then took it like a man when he lost. In an era when athletes are obnoxious, overpaid and selfish, Favre stood out for his class and humility.

That all seemed to change when he cried at his farewell news conference. Saying farewell was never supposed to be easy and Favre proved that by crying like a baby at his last news conference. It was painful to watch as he described how it felt to be done with the game that made him rich and famous. Callers to Chicago sports stations were unanimous in their derision. It was as if he broke some kind of guy code. Which Guy Code?

One of the Guy Code rules is that you never cry. It’s both a spoken and an unspoken rule. During fraternity hazings, fraternity brothers will beat and torture each other trying to make their brother give in or even worse: cry. The thought being that your not man enough to join the fraternity if you cry like a girl. Deeper than that is the unspoken rule that you’re not man enough if you cry. For the record, this rule is in effect even if you’re by yourself!

We’ll fight the tears till the bitter end and wipe them off as soon as we can, the better that nobody see’s them. Somehow, deep down, it implies weakness to us. I can’t really explain it other than to say that it’s very real. Maybe we feel that tears reveal an Achilles heal or weakness.

Guys just can’t handle tears. As a young salesman I had gotten to know a receptionist at an office I called on. The last time we spoke, she was getting ready for her wedding and was very excited. I brought my boss with me one day to see the owner so when I saw the receptionist I asked her how the wedding plans were going. I’ll never forget her reaction: tears, tears, and more tears! There was no arc and no Noah to save me.

Luckily my boss was a woman and quickly sprang into action. She was able to speak heartbreak because she too had been jilted at the altar. She calmed my former friend down as I quietly left the office. I asked my boss what the heck just happened. All she could say was: Ugh, you men just don’t get it do you? I replied that I didn’t know what she meant. She lamented that guys really have no idea what to do when they make a woman cry. I apologized but she just smiled and said no big deal, let’s go to lunch. 

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Wouldn’t it be great if you could see what your guy was thinking? Imagine knowing exactly what was on his mind while you were talking to him. Maybe even know what he’s going to say before he says it? All you would have to do was touch your guy and a rush of guy thoughts and feelings would rush into you. His thoughts might also come to you conveniently while you sleep.

Well, that’s exactly the premise of two shows my wife loves. My wife absolutely adores the hit shows The Ghost Whisperer and Medium. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Patricia Arquette solve crimes with nothing but their supernormal sensory perception. These shows seem to have the same appeal that shows like the X Files have to most guys. Unlike other suspense shows, the women in these shows always come out on top. The main characters use only their innate female intuition and brain power to thwart the bad guys. Guys would much rather see the hero blow something up, problem solved.

I like a good ghost story just as much as anybody else but just can’t get into the slow pace of these shows. I think most guys would agree with me that they would prefer a much quicker storyline with more action, car chases and buildings being blown up. I just can’t help it!

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I just read a great book called Marketing to Women by Marti Barletta. In the book, Miss Barletta says that 65% of all large purchases are made by women and that marketers ignore women at their own peril.

Being married now for over 15 years, this comes as no surprise to me. We are in the middle of trying to buy a new house and it was my wife that initiated and planned how we were going to do it. When we bought our last car, I had very little to do with what the make and model was going to be. Hannah had just turned one so my wife decided she wanted a minivan. All I did was look for the right sale and take her to make the purchase.

What’s interesting to me is the fact that guys care so little when it comes to making the most important decisions of their lives. They don’t care so much about the quality of the neighborhood they buy a house in or the fact that it impacts the quality of the school that their kids go to. They don’t care so much about gas mileage and car convenience.

As guys we do care that the car be fast, be big (safe) and look good. We care that the house our wife picks out has a good place to put the HDTV. We care that our mini-fridge has a convenient place close to the HDTV. We care that  the house looks good so we cut the grass.

A nurse practitioner I know in the mental health field half jokingly told me once that all us men care about is sex, food and sleep. I consider her an expert being that she is married now 25 years with two sons and one daughter.

I believe smart women can use this to their advantage and help their husband at the same time. My wife actually did this some two years ago when she wanted a dog. The problem for her was that I did not want the added work that goes along with raising a puppy. The thought of walking around with a dog at three in the morning has never appealed to me.

She tried appealing to various things: A dog would be good for the kids; Hannah and Alan will love the dog; Dogs are pure joy! It wasn’t until she hit my manly hot button that it clicked for me: Our house will be safer with a dog protecting it. From that point on all I could think of was safety. The extra cost, the vet bills, the kennel costs all went out the door when it came to keeping my family safe. 

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My mom was doing a huge favor the other day by coming over and watching my son, Al#3. He’s only four, so whenever his sitter can’t watch him, we have to scramble for childcare. Luckily for us, my mom was available.

Whenever she comes over I offer her a cup of coffee so we can sit and chat about what’s going on with everyone in our family. With Easter approaching she wanted to solidify our Easter plans. My cousin wanted to have everybody including my family over to his girlfriends place for an Easter egg hunt. I happily agreed to bring the kids.

I told my mom that I was writing about all of today’s communication  barriers. It’s my opinion that cell phones, e-mail and the like only end up creating barriers. She agreed, and then related a story that struck me as even more scary: Kids are no longer talking to each other!

Sure, Kids today are texting, e-mailing, instant messaging and such, but they’re not actually having a live in the flesh conversation. Are their relationships, are their marriages even more doomed than today’s 50% marriage failure rate (50% divorce rate)? Only time will tell.

I personally don’t hold out  much hope. Even with solid communication skills, couples can lose track of their marriage by not spending time together. Less time together inevitably leads to communication breakdowns, which then leads to a greater chance of relationship break-ups.

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This will be one of my last posts before Easter, so if you don’t get back to my blog before that, I just want to wish you the very best over the holiday weekend.

I’m always amazed at what women will talk about when I’m the only guy around. I was witness to this just the other day when I sat and had lunch with a group of about five women. Two had been married for over thirty years while two were married for only a few years. One of the women admitted  to thinking about getting engaged to her boyfriend. She has only known the guy for four months and some of the women in the group were apprehensive.

Then the young lady said something that nearly made me spit my food out: “We have some great hair pulling sessions if you know what I mean!” The other women in the room at first asked if she meant that they have passionate arguments. She said no and went on to explain that the sex was great!

They all laughed and said  that she was obviously passionate about the guy and that sometimes you only get one chance at true love so why not follow your heart.

I’m  writing about this because I wanted to compare how guys would talk about the same situation. First, most  guys won’t talk to their co-workers about their plans for marriage. Second, most guys will not talk about their married/committed relationship sex life. They will talk about one night stands, ex-girlfriends, and the latest Pamela Anderson video but not what their wife did to them the other night.

I may be wrong, it just seems that women are much more free to talk about their sex lives than men. I’d love to hear what you think so don’t be shy. Comment!

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You ever wonder it was like 10,000 years ago? What it would be like to go on a date? What kind of celebrities did Larry King interview back then? Well, you no longer have to worry. From the creators of Independence Day, comes the epic tale of love, loss and killer ostriches. Yes, that’s right, flightless, killer birds called Terror Birds once roamed South America some 7000 years ago. Buckle up for what could be the most awesome movie adventure of your relationship: 10,000 BC, www.10000bcmovie.com!

My wife and I often find it challenging to find the right movie to see. We’ve both gone out of our way to see movies that the appeal to the both of us. The trouble is that most movies either are so action oriented as to completely turn off women or so Pride and Prejudice ( I made this word up) as to completely turn off men. 

My wife has sacrificed and gone to see bad Jackie Chan movies with me and I have done the same by seeing the likes of Little Women (I  was the only guy in the theater).

It’s not often that an action movie appeals to my wife so when she wanted to go see 10,000 BC, I jumped at the chance.

My in-laws were in town so they volunteered to watch Hannah and Alan so we could have few hours to have dinner and see the movie. Muvico movie theatres just opened up an outpost in Rosemont so I decided we should check it out.  Muvico www.muvico.com offers several things that no other theater offers for couples and couples with kids: 21 and over seating, love seats, free parking, $7 valet parking, $5 babysitting, a top notch Levy Restaurant, free popcorn, and no screaming kids! So for $5 per kid, you can have 2-3 hours of quite, happy time!

The food and wine was great while the movie was just OK. We still had a great time and plan on going next month. As to what movie we might see next, I proposed Indiana Jones. My wife is still undecided.

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Last Sunday’s Chicago Tribune featured an amazing article on an even more amazing woman named Rose Cameron. Rose is an executive at the world renown Leo Burnett ad agency in Chicago. Rose would be one of many brilliant and creative geniuses that prowl the famous hallways of Leo Burnett except that Rose’s expertise is special, very special. Her area of expertise? The American male!

Rose’s story is so incredible that the Chicago Tribune decided put her story on the front cover, an honor that usually goes to celebrities and politicians. The funny thing is that the article has stirred up such a tempest around Chicago, that now Rose is a celebrity in her own right!

Rose tells companies that hire her and Leo Burnett exactly what men want. Leo Burnett commissioned a ground breaking study on the American male a few years ago and Rose has literally de-coded the mountain of man data that the study produced into something that she and her advertising clients can use to increase sales.

I’ll be interviewing Rose in the coming weeks and will get to the bottom of what’s really behind the male mind. In the mean time, I’ll leave you with what Rose and her team have identified four distinct types of American males. She has divided men into two major categories which then further sub-divide into two more categories making for four distinct kinds of men:

There are Traditional Males which then divide into Power Seekers and Patriarchs. And then there are New Males which sub-divide into Metrosexuals and Retrosexuals.

I’ll have a post on each kind of male and then give you some food for thought on each one. 

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Thursday night was another great Date Night ABC! for my wife and I. Lost, our favorite show, brought back a former character. I won’t say any more than that so as to not spoil the surprise. You can catch last week’s episode for free at www.abc.com Enjoy!

A recent Chicago Tribune article, dated February 27, 2008, brought hope and fairness to millions of women across the U.S: female Viagra. More specifically, the drugs will target women’s sex drives. It’ll be several years before the drugs in question, Intrinsa, LibiGel, and Flibanserin, are approved. Two of the therapies are testosterone based while one affects serotonin receptors in the brain.

Men have had it so good for so long that the female sexual dysfunction market was getting restless for the day when their sexual problems could be solved with a simple pill. 

According to the  article, critics charge that these drugs could be abused and that what women really need is less stress and a more understanding man in their life.

Of course some things may never change: “Testsosterone won’t help if you’re married to a shmuck,” said Sheryl Kingsberg, chief of behavioral medicine at Case Medical Center in Cleveland.

For a great book on Shmucks get Jackie Mason’s tome appropriately titled SHMUCK!

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I’m right in the middle of writing what I think is my best article ever. I really can’t wait to publish it! The working title is “Of Cell Phones Blackberries, Bluetooth and Love Lost” The central premise is that with all the amazing technology available to speed communication between people and between nations, the benefit remains to be seen.

Robert Imbriale puts it best in his recent book Motivational Marketing: “With the advent of computers, an interesting dynamic came to light. While we have more ways to communicate than at any time in history, we remain an isolated society.”

So all of our great technological advances may only be serving to keep us apart. Think about it. Have you ever ignored a voice mail, or an E-mail? Have you ever decided to deliver bad news with an e-mail instead of a call or a live person to person meeting? Cell phones, e-mails, and computers actually allow us to hide! (This in spite of the Bush administration’s best efforts!)

More from Imbriale: “We see each other in person less and less. We speak even less and rely more and more on e-mail.” “While we can do most of what we need to on a single computer screen, our hearts long for human contact.

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