Hopefully, this post will clear the air…

I wanted to clarify what I have been saying over the past week or so. For those just tuning in, I have suggested that many men are ill equipped to handle the powerful emotions associated with first time sex. Time and again, women are left wondering what they did to make a guy stop calling. In most cases they reported great sex only to have the guy run. Some have suggested that I was advocating abstinence, as if men should be caged to prevent the deed from being done. Others have insinuated that my ideas were somewhat old fashioned or conservative.

To all of these I have one sentence that should set the record straight: Those who fail to “Man Plan”, plan to fail with men!

You’d think me ignorant, foolish, crazy or Republican if I insinuated that you remain celibate with the man of your dreams until marriage, so I won’t do that to you!(or your suitor)

I’m not going to go right wing on you and tell you how important the institution of marriage is to the fabric of our country or how much heterosexual marriage means to the future of our children or blah, blah, yada, yada. It really bothers me that those who traffic in these lofty ideals are neither faithful to them nor the people closest to them. Politicians like pick up artists and other assorted players will do anything to win the hearts of those that they pursue and as such are to be viewed with eyes wide open!

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And the saga continues…

Time and time again I hear from women who don’t get called back after the first sexual encounter. They had gone on a number of dates, really liked the guy and thought it was “go” time. The guy for his part did the deed well but then kept going and going and going never looking back. The women were left waiting by the phone, one that never rings for them.

What gives?

Those first couple months are seen by most guys as a time of outright lustful pursuit. It’s not in any way meant as an insult mind you. Guy’s minds are wired to pursue and conquer you and your beauty. Most will say anything convenient to satisfy this lust. Your beauty drives men wild even as they don’t let on. While this might not seem true to your needs, it is very much in keeping with his needs and wants. He’s being very true to what’s driving him to go out with you and after all, he’s known himself far longer than he’s known you. Hasn’t he?

In an interview I recently did with Alisa Goodwin Snell, author of Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man, Snell revealed that women should see their guy sacrifice something.

What might that involve you ask?

Chickens? Goats? Virgins?

The answer is best summed up with two words: his time. You should ask him to spend a Saturday or Sunday with you at your favorite charitable organization. This will reveal several things to you that going to dinner, the movies, or put-put golf will never show you:

1. Disposition…His ability to interact with you and others in an unfamiliar and challenging situation. Is he kind and courteous to others?
2. Character…Did he show up on time with bells on?
3. Energy Level…Was he excited to see you the day of?
4. Work Ethic…Did he complain the whole time?

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This post is a continuation of my last post, “How to Avoid a Guy like Haley”

The answers to all the last post’s questions are

1. usually no
2. maybe
3. no

The answers while not easy to hear come with natural solutions so please read on.

For instance, even if it’s a one night stand, the odds are that he’ll think less of himself than he does you. Hence, the guy never calls you back even if he said he would. This not because he thinks you’re a slut, but because he thinks little of himself. (The better not to further drag his fragile ego into the gutter with the memory of you and the one night stand) So, if you think anything of the guy, you will not sleep with him that first night. What if he asks and then asks again? Say no! It’s for his own good so do him and yourself a favor and don’t do it.

Now, I’m often asked about the third, fourth or fifth date as if there’s some magic accountant inside a guy’s mind that ticks off the number of encounters with you leading to first time sex. When then might be a good time? After all, a girls got needs you know. You’ve quantified his worthiness and he seems like a keeper. He listens and pays attention to your needs. This guy is hot and seems to care. Your dates are pleasant and engaging.

All seems well, right?

The answer is a big fat NO!

I’ll post more on this tomorrow so stay tuned…

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My in-laws dog, Haley, is a nice dog. She listens relatively well, comes when called and never growls at my son. Given what 4 year old boys have been known to do to innocent and unsuspecting dogs like Haley, this is no small feat!

There’s one big problem with the dog: it’s a fraidy-cat! Whenever there’s any sign of trouble, any kind of stress or change, Haley is the first to turn tail and run for the hills. My in-laws moved her cross country and the dog has rewarded them by regularly peeing on their white carpet. Haley is also afraid of the slightest noise. As you might imagine, Hannah and Alan can make noise with the best of them so the dog hides in another room and/or pees on the carpet when they are about. What’s more, the Midwest has been getting pummeled by thunderstorms and tornadoes. Needless to say, the poor dog has been bewildered by it all.

I bring this up not to pile on poor Haley but to address a question that keeps coming up again and again: Why do guys stop calling you? Why doesn’t he call after the first time we have sex? What is he so afraid of? These are all variations on the same theme: guys bolting at the first sign of what they see as trouble.

My research shows that women think along similar lines when it comes to the aforementioned scenario.Their thinking goes something like this: The guy thinks I’m a slut, right?; He’s a commitment-phobe, right?; The sex was horrible, right?.

I’ll answer these and many more questions in my next post. I’ll cover this theme over the next two or three posts so I hope you hang in. Until then, enjoy this one!

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As the Crack the Guy Code Launch inches closer and closer, so does the final nomination of Barack Obama as the Democratic presidential candidate for Fall 2008. As happy as the Obama camp must be , the Hillary camp must be equally as devastated.

I bring this up not to spout a diatribe on politics either to the left or right, but to shed some light on the male/female dynamic. In particular, I want to focus on one of the three main things guys want from women: femininity.

For whatever reason, men have to see women in he most feminine light possible. We like women in pretty dresses or shirt skirts no matter how impractical that might be. With this in mind, if there is one thing that men in both political parties could agree on, it’s how much they dislike pantsuits. Hillary sadly became the poster-fashionista for this rather un-feminine trend.

To add insult to injury, Hillary also made fun of baking chocolate chip cookies. She was not like those other women who just sat at home and pleased there guys! She was far beyond that kind of motherly kind of tripe. The last thing Hillary would ever resemble was your beloved…yet pathetic mother! She had no use for pretty dresses, beautiful jewelry, or cooking. Spatulas be damned!!

Unsurprisingly, men everywhere were utterly threatened by her un-feminine approach to First Lady-ness. She didn’t cook, clean, wear make-up, or otherwise try to please men. She had no use for us!

Were we nothing but sperm donors?

Were we nothing but cuddle machines to be thrown away as soon as our utility served her evil purpose?

OK, OK, I’ll get off my soap box. You get my point. I’ve liked Hillary from the beginning. She stood up for what she believed in and stood next to the guy she believed in in spite of his flaws. She would have made any politician whether Republican or Democrat, a better candidate. There is no doubt that her man Bill would have never gained the Presidency without her behind him. Any guy would be lucky to have someone with her loyalty and single-minded dedication behind him whether in marriage or work.

Of course, the bigger question on everyone’s mind is will Barack see the same thing as he goes on to choose his VP?

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It’s been said that there is always a price to be paid for the decisions one makes. A promotion leads to more work and less time with the people you love. You might leave a perfectly good job only to be re-organized out of the new and improved job 12 months later. You meet that special someone who lights your life up only to find out that they’re an alcoholic. You get cosmetic surgery only to have life threatening complications. It would seem that the universe demands its price in blood!

I’m reminded of all this for two reasons:

• I just read Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
• An enlightening conversation with my in-law’s neighbor

This summer, my wife and I and the kids have been staying at my in-laws. The kids are out of school and my in-laws have a big house that can accommodate a crowd.

In addition to quality time with the grandparents, Hannah and Alan have made fast friends with the next door neighbor kids. The neighbors are great and have great kids to boot. The neighborhood is great with beautiful homes on huge lots. Every last person on the block would seem to be living the American dream.

Of course referring to the first paragraph, you realize that this is not the case.

As it turns out, we have the only kids for the neighbors to play with! There are no other school age kids in the whole subdivision! None!

Think about that.

You buy a big house on the best block so that your kids can go to a nice school only to come up short elsewhere.

In Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert, he asserts that this type of situation happens all the time to us. We have this picture in our mind of perfection or what he calls Shangrila only to be disappointed when we get there.

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