Many women I’ve interviewed have told me that they have met or dated a guy like Barney as played by Neil Patrick Harris (NPH for his fans). They know his intentions are not the best, yet they just can’t help themselves to more dating and then more heartbreak.
Dating men like Barney for the women I’ve interviewed becomes more like a drug high than anything else. Women report not being able to break free from their man addiction. The more they try to get away, the more they try to stop the dating, the more they get sucked back in. Breakups are akin to detox and are best avoided.
The thought of dating someone new can seem a million miles away. Just the thought of starting all over can stop many women from dating someone new.
Maryanne Comaroto comes to us again with another relationship and dating reality check. According to Maryanne, men and women cause future problems for themselves when they don’t reveal their authentic selves at the beginning of the relationship.
My question to Maryanne would be how many men and women while in the initial stages of dating actually lead with their authentic selves?
Men will lead with what great resources they have. They love to show women their cars, houses and jobs. The reason they do this is because it works. The men I’ve interviewed tell me that women love the bling in beginning. It attracts women to them like bears to honey. Men don’t need Dr. Phil to tell them this. They simply know that when they didn’t have a good job they had less money, a smaller house and fewer women for dating.
The thing is men can fake all of these material things. We are just now seeing just how much men across America could fake a rich lifestyle with easy credit and a good job. Now that credit, cash and jobs are in short supply, these same men are riding bicycles instead if driving Mercedes.
Women seek validation through their beauty and kindness towards men.
These to can be faked in untold ways. Push up bras and make up allow women to hide what they see as blemishes to their beauty. Letting a guy be obnoxious towards your friends when you hate that also does the future of your relationship no favors.
Dating was so simple before sex got involved! Things were humming along and dating your man was fun and spontaneous and then it all changed in the blink of an eye. He changed, the situation changed, your feelings changed and now you’re both confused.
So what to do?
Well I would say that the best option is to not have the day after. If you don’t like the way you feel the day after then the best way to avoid that feeling is to simply not have sex so quickly before commitment.
If dating for you always results in passion unbound then you best get a commitment first! Do this now before your passions boil over. You might say that that’s too hard or that the guys you’re dating would never go for that, but you know deep down it’s what you need to do.
The bottom line is that if you don’t like where you’re at, then it’s up to you to change where you’re at.
Moving in together has always been the elephant in the room as a couple transitions from dating to something more serious. Men and women will use this situation as a litmus test for what a relationship really stands for. Of course not all will get the answers they want.
Going from just dating to living together is and always will be a tricky proposition. Whose apartment do you give up? What will happen to your loyal roommates? Who pays for the utilities? Do I get to keep my George Foreman Grill? Will my cat get along with your pit bull? Do we stop dating and just start hanging out? Is dating the same as hanging out?
It’s my opinion that As long as your communication lines are open none of these will end up hurting your relationship.
I’m often asked why a guy will keep dating an obviously crazy woman and not dump her.
I think the same question can be asked of voters in states like Minnesota and my home state of Illinois. Who in their right minds would elect people like Michelle Bachmann and Rod Blagojevich? Well the good people of both states did and in spite of evidence to the contrary.
Everyone knew that Blago would eventually be indited yet they still re-elected him. And what did Minnesotans do recently? They re-elected none other than Michelle Bachmann in spite of her embarrassing rants on television.
Why did voters choose such bad choices?
I think it was a simple matter of not having a better alternative.
The people of Illinois and Minnesota felt that the alternatives were not better so they simply went with the devil they knew. The dating take home message is simple: When looking to attract the man of your dreams simply present a better alternative to what he usually sees and see what results you get. If you put your best foot forward and don’t get what you want it might be best to move on and find yourself someone who will choose you.
From a dating best practices perspective, I think the best thing to look at is how you can be the better alternative.
A recent British survey of 2000 men found that IT guys were far better lovers than fitness freaks. Computer nerds are apparently far better lovers in the sack. They are more active and more thoughtful while engaged in sexual activity. Men that are in shape will tend to be more selfish and loathe to regard your thoughts in bed.
Of course The Young Turks have their theories as to why. One was that the IT guys have a more active fantasy life and utilize more porn. Another was that the IT guys appreciate it when they get it because they just don’t get it as much.
My theory is simply that the fitness freaks of the world just don’t have the energy for sex once they’ve gotten done running a mini marathon every other day.
The Young Turks did bring up some interesting side bars as it pertains to you and your dating life most notably: What do men want from women in bed?
The three guys on the show all had different opinions. One hated it when women just laid there while another hated bad dirty talk. Another had no use for a gymnast in bed while another liked that idea.
Of course there was some commonality. None of them liked a woman who acted disinterested like she was doing them a favor. They also couldn’t stand a prissy girl who hated sex so much that she didn’t want to be touched.
How might this help your dating and relationship challenges? I would say that you might want to change up your dating from dating the guy at the gym to maybe dating the guy in your companies IT department for starters. Another might be to see how your guy reacts to your verbosity while making whoopee.
Jessica Biel created a firestorm amongst the rich and famous when she said that being too beautiful can be a problem in life.
Many are questioning whether she was joking or just trying to make the point that her looks can sometimes work against her getting parts for movies.
This brings up a great question as it pertains to dating and that’s mainly can a woman be too beautiful for her own good? Will her beauty get her into trouble? Will her beauty cause her more trouble than it’s worth?
Depending on who you ask, some will say that beauty is a problem while others will say that it makes dating and relationships easier. Some beautiful women relish the fact that guys will do their bidding while others want to be known as just another pretty face.
Where do you come down on this?
Are you too hot for words? Do rich men come a calling at a snap of your fingers? Do these men grovel at your feet? Are you sick of this and want to be dating regular guys?
What advice would you give Jennifer Aniston on dating and relationships?
Aniston never seems to be without a lover. While she has never lacked in quantity she does seem to be left wanting in the quality department when it comes to the men she chooses.
Bette Midler thinks she has the answer so how about you?
Before you answer, consider a couple of things. There are always two sides to every story so while some of you may blast Aniston as too this or that, others of you may want to blast the men she’s dating or has dated as this or that.
Whatever side of the fence you find yourself on, you have to admit that Aniston is extremely unlucky in love.
Can she and for that matter anyone unlucky in love get out of their love rut? What should they do to get out or are they destined for one bad relationship after another?
My prescription may be too simple for most but here goes: choose better. Choose the places you hang out at with more forethought. Choose better friends. Choose to think bigger. With all of these improved choices adding up, you’ll soon have a better lot of men for dating.
Now she may have to leave Hollywood to get a better lot of eligible bachelors but she seems eager to find love so why not?
Have we all lost our minds? Much has been written on how technology will eventually be the end of us.
For Pete’s sake, The Cold War lasted for 50 years! Writers and others relished the fact that what saved us all from the Nazis and Japanese during WW2 would eventually come back to bite us all in a mushroom cloud.
Now don’t get me wrong, this guy’s device probably won’t be the end of humanity but it it may be the beginning.
If the mad scientist in the video has his way, there will be no need for dating in the flesh. Dating can be done through the click of the mouse, no muss, no fuss. First base will be control click1, second base, control click two, and going all the way may cause a hard drive crash!
All kidding aside do you think this guy’s vacuum cuddles?
What’s done or not done in the public eye while dating has some people hot under the collar.
Whether it’s watching your cousin passionately kiss her boyfriend or seeing a priest get romantic with one of his flock, people are in a quandary over what to do.
You might find this hard to believe, but I believe that those in love not breaking any laws should be able to kiss in public. Who am I or anybody else to tell someone how to exercise their rights to free speech and happiness?
Of course there are risks. Friends or colleagues that don’t know you’re romantically involved or even dating, would certainly be startled at seeing your PDA. justified or not, they might feel betrayed that you didn’t let them know who you were dating.
While full disclosure is not always possible honesty is always the best policy.