Let’s hope not!

Leave your comments and don’t be shy! We want to know who the world’s best and worst lovers are!

If you’re dating a Spaniard, Brazilian, Italian, Frenchman, or Irishman, probably not according to one pole.

On the other hand, if your dating a German, Brit, Swede, Dutchman or American, you probably are dating a terrible lover!

Could this possibly be true? How so? Who did this poll?How dare they besmirch America!

Leave your comments and let me and the world know what you think right now!

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This Maryanne Comaroto dating gem concludes from yesterday’s post.

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.

What the heck does this have to do with dating and relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things.

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person you’re dating that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

1. One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!
2. Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
3. Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.
4. Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

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What’s YOUR “Mate-dar” IQ?

By: Maryanne Comaroto
So, whatever the reason, you’re on the prowl for a significant other. Maybe you feel you’re ready for a commitment. Maybe you’re looking for companionship. Maybe you’re ready to make the move out of the dating pool. So you feel like your “Mate-dar” (your ability to suss out a great mate) is in full force, turned up top notch. But the truth is – even if you have the purest of intentions for seeking out a relationship – nobody’s Mate-dar is perfect.
The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not. Making the all-important distinction between our unconscious persona and our authentic, healthy, whole selves. Until we have addressed this process it is likely that our wounded little kid has a hold of an adult tool, waving it around like a toy, and then BANG! somebody gets hurt in the dating game. Our Mate-dar, when operated by our 5-year-old wound, can get us into a lot of trouble—as would any part of ourselves we have not made peace with, healed or become aware of on some level.
In the case of seeking a great partner, when we are seeing through the eyes of a wound we are less likely to see clearly! This can show up in different ways (boy, can they be tricky, slippery and subtle all at once), most of them falling under the guise of denial or rationalization.
Here’s a great story to illustrate how elusive accessing our very own truth can be.
My husband, David, got on the scale this morning. I could hear the clang and distinct argh. “How can that be? I gained four pounds? I have only been eating lettuce all week, for crying out loud.” I tried to comfort him by saying that muscle weighs more than fat, and then burst out laughing, realizing that’s what I told myself last time I got on the scale. After we lavished one and another with a few more excuses, we decided that the scale was broken and we needed to get a new one. One that told us what we wanted to hear! That we were not fat!
I have learned it’s one thing to sit around and bitch and moan wishing things were different, and another to do something about it. So I went for a run, then later we went to get the scale. Apparently doing a little of both.

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So What are the top 10 qualities you would want in a Partner? Maryanne Comaroto thinks she knows them, so why not sit down and give her your ear? This dating and relationship diamond concludes from yesterday’s post on the same subject and gives some insight into the male mindset. You’ll definitely want to read this! Hope you enjoy!

1) Great in the sack

2) Great in the sack

3) Great in the sack

4) Great in the sack

5) Great in the sack…

Sorry.. I know I am going too fast–I do that sometimes–but did you get that so far, ’cause I have 5 to go… but – you already know what the rest of them are. Exactly–great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack.

Now then while I am sure JACK has some motivation for telling this story, other than to humiliate men for making them appear as though they have no discretion when it comes to dating and sex –which would really be like saying men are stupid (that can’t be true). Perhaps he’s simply lost his way. I must give him credit for the fact that he apparently asked these gentleman to rethink the question, and they did come up with some insightful, significant qualities they are looking for in their relationships with women.

Apparently our friend (who now shall, for his own protection, remain nameless) has not been informed that hormonal litmus testing is medieval, that we live in houses now, we even read and write. (How did he miss that?) We have developed skills in the dating game beyond pounce and attack. How does someone who is in the position of teaching open, impressionable people get away with spouting ancient stereotypes like he was proud of the “well-known fact” that men often think with their smorgasbords?

The point is–well, one point is: Making love is an art – and it’s not just about the sex. It’s no wonder so many women think being great in the sack is a good investment of their time. How about we all revisit that list, people…take pen and paper and really make a list. Look and see what unconscious ideas you may have about the other sex…’cause when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

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So What are the top 10 qualities you would want in a Partner? Maryanne Comaroto thinks she knows them, so why not sit down and give her your ear? The conclusion to this post will come tomorrow and be the capper to the week. You’ll definitely want to remember to stay tuned! Hope you enjoy!

I heard the most evil thing the other day. My definition of evil is often flexible, lying somewhere in between totally heinous and completely ridiculous. This story falls in there–you decide for yourself.

My gal pal told me she read a book this guy wrote, a so-called “dating expert.” ( If I had one less scruple, I might tell you his name–for now, we’ll call him something friendly, like Penile Supremacist…PS for short. Fine–forget that, let’s just call him Jack. There! Who can argue with that?) So JACK made quite an impression on my not-so-easily-impressionable gal pal recently. She rang me straight away to give me the scoop.

“Maryanne, you’re not going to believe what @#$% says in his book!” She’s known me for 15 years now, knows that in general male/female dating issues have been in my top 10 list of favorite things to get bunged up about…particularly when they’re coming from downwind, let’s say. Historically, she delivers the message and then runs for cover. As she started recounting “The top10 qualities women are looking for in relationship with men,” my eyes started rolling back in my head. (I get bored easily sometimes.) Here’s all I can remember:

1) Presence

2) Intelligence

3) Sense of humor

However, I perked up a bit when she started on the men’s list, which I remember every detail of, luckily. You have to be so excited–are you? I mean, finally someone is willing to divulge such privileged information–top 10 qualities men are looking for in relationship with YOU! Here they are, in order of importance:

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Be careful for what you wish for!

Dating a politician or for that matter any man wielding great power will have its perks as well as its downside. The question you have to ask yourself is is it worth it?

Could you put up with women throwing themselves at your man? Having known women that were dating NBA basketball players, I know that other women were literally throwing themselves at these men. Dating someone else or not, the other women didn’t care. They were attracted to his fame, money and power like bears to honey. One of my colleagues told the story of getting off a plane with her man, his arm around her, and women giving the guy their numbers!

The list of political relationship horror stories is legion. There’s John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Eliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford all of recent note. What I’m trying to point out is that these are not isolated incidents. These are men doing what men do with power: attract mates. This has been going on for thousands of years and will not stop.

My hope is that you’ll recognize this before you go into this kind of relationship and go in with eyes wide open.

In this way, dating, mating and relating won’t have to be so hard!

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The open relationship is nothing more than a man’s way of having sex with more women, plain and simple. Whether dating or not, this situation is not a long term solution no matter how you look at it.

Get over it!

Dating under these conditions will tend to be harsh, so why put up with them? You have the choice so make the one that best suits YOU. There is no dating law on the books saying you have to let the guy ride his fantasies out. Why not just move on and get about dating someone else?

I’d love to hear what you think.

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Poor kid!

All he wanted was to give the girl of his dreams a rose. One rose and nothing more!

It’s often said that those seeking stardom should be careful what they wish for and I think Megan Fox would say the same thing.

Poor Megan Fox besieged by the evil paparazzi, refused this kind soul’s rose. The sad sack was brushed off without so much as a look in his general direction.

I’m sure if Ms. Fox were dating the picture takers, she would give them all the time in the world but she isn’t so she acts rather cold towards them.

Is it too much to ask?

It’s not like he was going to ask her out on a date. There’s a big difference between giving a girl a rose and dating her.

OK so maybe the kid didn’t have a chance in hell but you gotta give him credit. Don’t you?

He had the guts to try and show his his genuine love for the besieged Ms. Fox and it got him no where. I for one am pulling for this kid and hope that some day he’ll get his wish and not only be dating Megan Fox but also get married to her!

Then again maybe he should be careful what he wishes for.

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With Megan Fox’s box office bomb opening this weekend, I thought it appropriate to show the following fun video!

While Ms. Fox may come off like a major league witch (replace the w with whatever consonant you like), there are golden dating nuggets just ready for your dating pleasure.

Megan Fox knows that she can control men…to a certain extent. She has the power of her femininity and she’ll use it as she sees fit. Whether dating or being interviewed, She wants to be the one in control.

My dating guide goes into far more depth, but realize that Ms. Fox is on to something. Wars have been fought over women and they will no doubt help ignite them in the future. I even had a friend in high school confide in me that his father won his mother in a knife fight but I digress!

Here is probably the biggest dating and relationship aha moment you can take from Ms. Fox: While your beauty may get you in the door, it’s your personality that may ultimately show you the door.

Love and kindness come from within and can’t be faked like beauty. Dating with an air of love and happiness in your heart will go a long way towards not only landing a man but keeping him forever.

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Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once or twice a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience.

This post concludes takes off from Maryanne’s Tuesday post concerning men and the respect they have for the women in their lives. It could not have come at a better time given given Kanye West’s absolute disrespect of Taylor Swift at the VMAs. Maryanne challenges men in this post and I for one think this is a good thing. Enjoy!

Okay, men, it’s your turn to tell your version, your truth – in your life and in your relationships. And here are a few questions to help you get started (if you’re so inclined, feel free to email your answers – or your story, or both! – to info at maryannelive dot com. We read and respond personally to each email and I may feature you in upcoming work!)
1) Do you respect women?
2) How do you respect them?
3) At the end of the day, do you feel it’s ultimately a woman’s job to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant?
4) If someone you have sex with does get pregnant and decides to keep the baby, what responsibility do you have to this child and to the mother?
5) What do you think a father’s responsibilities are?
6) What qualities should a woman look for in a man they want to have children with?
7) Why do you feel we have such an epidemic of “absent“fathers in our culture?
What makes a great father?
9) What sacrifices are men generally unwilling to make to be a great father?
10) What will you never give up to be a great husband and father?
As you ponder these questions – and these are only a few of the ones I’ve been asking the men in MY life! – here’s a little feedback from men I’ve worked with who are asking the big questions about how they relate to the opposite sex.

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