This concludes form yesterdays Maryanne Comaroto post on sustainable dating. Hope you enjoy this dating diamond!

Here are some pointers for how to sustain any great relationship (platonic or otherwise), once you have carefully selected who you want to be in it with:

• Respect Here’s a word. Know what it means? If you don’t, you have no chance at REAL, lasting intimacy (in my not-so-humble opinion). If you respect yourself, just double it. Don’t just talk about it either—this is an action item. Respect is not a feeling, it’s a way of behaving!
• Responsible communication You get to choose from every word in the English language (or whatever language you share) in whatever tone you choose to communicate your thoughts and feelings to another, so choose carefully. You have no one to blame if you don’t tell the truth or say what you want. My teacher says “We are always doing one of two things; creating separation or connection.” What is your intention?
• Integrity Do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it, as often as humanly possible. And don’t BS yourself. Nobody trusts a flake, nor does anyone want their vulnerable hearts to be in the care of one. If you love and respect someone, ACT like it!
• Compatibility If you are mad about the outdoors, can’t live without reality TV, are a screaming (or worse, Nuevo) liberal, or abhor people who over-accessorize or don’t keep up on current events, then you probably wouldn’t want to hang out with…me, for example. Just because someone has good energy doesn’t mean you do real life well together. Watch what people DO, not only what they say. Make sure they match or you’ll be sadly disappointed, eventually bored and even resentful. There are 7 billion people on the planet—check some more of them out and quit trying to make someone they are not!
• Compassion Walked a mile in their shoes, have you? I recommend before you think you know whatever you think you know about the person you say you love, one of the most loving acts of all is to try and understand as much as you want to be understood. Old adage for a reason. ‘Cause it’s a damn good one!
• Expectations The fastest way to get back to love in any relationship is to want nothing. Period. Try it. No one is responsible for your happiness or anything else, unless expressly agreed to.
• Consciousness agreements One of my all-time favorites. Let people know what’s important to you up front. As soon as possible, in fact. In any relationship the time to negotiate is up front, not after you are in deep! Don’t want to party a lot, but notice you keep giving in and feeling bad about yourself—but afraid to lose your friends if you stand up for yourself? Don’t want to have sex so much, but because you’re afraid they will leave, you do it anyway (see compatibility)? Two of my “needs” (if you can call them that) in a friendship is that a) we don’t make unilateral decisions about ending the friendship, and b) if we have a problem we bring it to the other person as soon as possible. What are your non-negotiables?

These tools and skills have helped me immeasurably over the years and I rely on them all today, as they are responsible for helping me maintain the loving, healthy relationships I have today! Remember, relationships – dating or otherwise! – take work, they are not just “add water,” and people are not disposable. They are precious blessings, and in their presence I feel blessed to keep on my path to becoming the best version of myself, as well as have the privilege to witness l those I love do the same!

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Guest blogger Maryanne Comaroto gives you a primer on how to look for and obtain a sustainable relationship. That is to say one that lasts from dating to mating and then on to communicating!

When you think about sustainability, what comes to mind—global warming, going green, doing your part to lessen your carbon footprint? How about dating relationships? We should compost old relationships and only get involved with organic people? Not exactly, no. Although the concept is intriguing, this would be implausible for most of us, given our cultural proclivity towards big “relationship footprints.”
If you have had a few relationships you know what I mean by “sustainability,” especially ones that have been a source of pain or suffering to some degree. (Some of which have compelled you to dispose of them by almost any means, organic or not.) But what of the ones you wish to keep, nurture and grow rather than watch die prematurely or unexpectedly? Given all the energy most of us spend putting ourselves “out there” on the emotional and dating limb (oftentimes left with nothing more than a “seed,” or perhaps less some seed, as the case may be), let’s wise up and turn those seeds into wisdom. Let’s instead get on with how to make our lives fertile so that we can more optimally attract and create more healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationships. Ones that have the greatest potential for an amazing harvest, for season after season to come.
Dating can be complicated, given the myriad of unique nuances that make up any one individual, the layers of experiences that create the filters we each see reality through. The real enigma seems to be a matter of skill and planning—how to create a optimal climate for potential for growth within this human complexity. Just like plants, relationships grow and flourish under optimal circumstances and care as well.
Okay, enough with the plant metaphor. You get it (hopefully). The deal is that if we come to a dating relationship broken up, with some serious unexamined baggage, expecting to attract great relationships, odds are the next one will end up much the same—in disappointment and regret. At some point, as I have said many times, you gotta be thinking, “Hey, maybe it’s not just them.” Friends, dates and lovers alike, we need to bring our “A” game to the party and expect nothing less from our prospective playmates and potential soulmates as well.

I’ll conclude this Dating Diamond tomorrow so be ready!

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In this conclusion to last week’s guest post, Maryanne Comaroto tells you how to identify your serious dating friends from just casual observers. Enjoy!

So, how do you tell if someone is got the right stuff to be your new BFF or just a GF? I figure that most of our same propensities arise when it comes to friendship as they do in a dating relationship—except, of course, Le sexe. It’s safe to say that we are looking for many of the same things in a friendship that we are looking for in a relationship. With a few exceptions:
1) Someone to hang out with (you actually like)
2) Someone you have something in common with (aside from Le sexe)
3) Someone who will listen to your incessant or inane whining should it arise, however untimely
4) Someone who will show a genuine interest in you and your life, however ordinary or dull
5) Someone who has a high tolerance for your weaknesses
6) Someone who will have your back if ever need be
7) Someone you can count on (from OMG I have nothing to wear to my high school reunion, to OMG I have breast cancer and need someone to hold my hand during chemo)
Someone who will tell me the truth even if I don’t want to hear it (with compassion when needed)
9) Who doesn’t care if I am 10 pounds overweight (fill in the blank)
10) And still love me if I decide to shave my head, take up drumming and move to India for a year
Finding these select few, these magical, unconditionally (most of the time) loving phenoms can take some sussing out. Once you have decided that you want some great ones—who, if you’re lucky, just may be around throughout your lifetime—here are a few things to keep in mind. They just might make your journey a little easier done than said!
1) Set your intention—it works with friends too. Maybe you want to make two or three new good friends in the next year. Set achievable goals.
2) Set forth your criteria. What do you want? I wanted girlfriends who were self-sustaining, had a daily practice of self-care, who were on a similar spiritual track, and who had impeccable communication skills, etc.
3) List your non-negotiables, the things that just won’t work for you. One of mine was, “If you are upset you need to tell me directly and not make unilateral decisions that affect me as well.”
4) Interview well, ask good questions and wait and see if their actions match their words.
5) Don’t settle (even if you’re bored or desperate, you’ll be sorry you did!).
6) Tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, better now than later, I always say.
7) Set your boundaries regarding money, men, and all things sacred!
Give as much as you get and make sure it flows the other way too!
9) Take your time, no need to rush, getting to know a new friend is fun and should be savored, and trust is built over time
10) Most of all, be silly, be yourself, and have some fun!
And remember, great relationships, including friendships, begin within!

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I’ll be real short with this dating diamond and cut to the chase.

Women have wondered for millenia whether men like the real them or the dressed up version of themselves. My answer to them has always been the same. Men prefer that the women they love be happy. Nothing more, nothing less.

If getting humongous double D’s makes you happy, then by all means get them! If you need your hair a different color then by all means change it…and be happy. Just Be happy and we’ll be likewise.

So, it’s in this way that the happier you are, the less likely you’ll be to be mad at us!

Dating, just like surgically enhanced double D’s, isn’t as hard as you think!

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Maryanne Comorato gives you another look into dating and relationships as only she can. Enjoy!

My mother told me I was lucky if I could count all my real friends on one hand!
Must have been fifteen or so years ago now, when it occurred to me after a string of disappointing dating relationships that maybe she was right—again. That it might be wise to invest more time in creating some deep and lasting friendships, as they theoretically seemed to have greater staying power and could be in many ways equally fulfilling, perhaps in some ways even more.
I must add that, up until that that point, my history with friendships was rather sketchy and my role models even more so. My mother barely trusted women (her best friend slept with my dad) and my father, well, made a lot of offers people couldn’t refuse. Childhood aside, the relationship skills I had gathered afforded me as many pleasant and happy memories as traumatic or forgettable ones. Over the years, many of the friendships had been more fragile than I liked, and oftentimes out of balance one way or the other. Either I was too needy or too unavailable, or our lifestyles were not totally compatible—being a single mom certainly didn’t help. Yet, the ones I did maintain (for whatever length of time) offered a mutual comfort that, when absent, left me yearning for that very specific kind of connection that only a platonic camaraderie offers—one that, no matter how compatible, a sexual relationship does not.
Finding this handful of friends is, in many cases, no easy task; especially given the cultural fad of vapid, disposable, let’s-do-lunch, I-love-you-after-five-minutes, overweening, entitled, texting, emotionally handicapped, walking wounded human beings most of us act like. And that’s before you even get to hello. Finding your peeps, as they say, isn’t as easy as it seems but, like all good things, is definitely worth the work!

This guest post will conclude Monday with more hands on tips for making your dating life the very best it can be.

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The age old question for all single women is will the guy they’re dating only want them for sex or is he serious?

My answer is yes the guy wants sex and yes he might be serious about you. The two are not necessarily exclusive.

I’d hate to become the Jeff Foxworthy of dating but consider the following scenarios as your all access guide to men:

If the guy you’re dating is a guy then he wants to have sex with you! In other words If he’s breathing then he want’s to have sex with you. If he’s walking then he wants to have sex. If he’s eating then he wants to have sex. Is he thinking? Then he want’s to have sex. Is he watching TV? Then he wants to have sex. Is he sleeping? Well then he wants to have sex!

It’s a biological function that happens to be fun! Why not enjoy it?

Whether dating or mating, relationships don’t have to be so hard!

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Still considering dating on the job? Still have no qualms with mixing business and pleasure? Then consider this TMZ video your wake up call!

A young lady named Brooke Hundley allegedly went Fatal Attraction on ESPN announcer Steve Phillips much to the chagrin of Phillip’s wife.

As I’ve documented before, dating at work is not for the weak of mind or heart. It is for big boys and girls only. This kind of dating can ruin marriages, families and careers so it’s best practiced with caution. I think the video should stand by itself as a testament to how crazed things can get while dating at work so beware.

Whether dating at work or at home, it doesn’t have to so hard! (when you use your head)

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SkyJohn hits it…so to speak on the head.

A guy will never ever want to be just your friend unless he’s crazy and/or gay. He’s most likely your friend because he wouldn’t mind dating you. In fact, he might be madly in love with you. This of course would explain why the guy is always around you! Again, I give the disclaimer that he could be gay and just wants to dish on the other guys dating you…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

If you don’t find the guy worth dating then tell him early on. Don’t be a tease. If there’s anything worse in a guy’s world it has to the tease so don’t be that girl. Be honest with yourself and then you can be honest with your guy friend. Let him move on to greener pastures so you can move on to. You’ll both be happy and in the end get what you want in life most.

Dating, mating and communicating don’t have to be so hard!

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Come on ladies! I know what you’re thinking! I can read you like the back of a book and I know you like the back of my hand.

What exactly do I know?

I know that you have been wondering for a long time what it would be like to be dating Rosanne’s Tom Arnold!

Now that you know don’t you feel much better?

Whether it’s dating Tom Arnold or someone else, dating doesn’t have to be so hard!

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This dating diamond concludes from yesterday’s guest post featuring Maryanne Comaroto. Enjoy!

On the back of that paper, write down what time you woke up today and what you did, go ahead, write it. Include when you got up, who you spent time with, what books you read, TV you watched, when you went to work, and so on. And be as specific as you can! Then I want you to get another piece of paper, draw a monthly calendar, and mark the days that are pretty much like this day. Go on.
If you’re like most of us, we do about the same thing pretty much each day, consistently, whatever those things are; hang out with certain people, go to particular places, participate in certain activities, watch TV, go on our computers, etc. We have routines and patterns. We are creatures of habit.
We also know that it takes a certain amount of discipline and practice to bring a thought or idea into fruition, or “make them real,” as they say. For example, we get our diploma by going to school, studying, showing up and doing what it takes to make that happen. Same applies for our dream relationship, our dream life.
Now for the math equation: Take what you want, add what you do all day, and see if it equals what you have!
I know, this seems harsh, well…what can I say, it is. When we want something bad enough, we do what it takes to make it happen, rather than sitting around believing in fairy tales, hoping “the one” will just show up into our dating lives and we’ll live happily ever after. Odds are this is never going to happen, and the facts are in, ladies and gentlemen; it almost never does. Why wait? Go make it happen yourself. The good news is, since what you do begets what you have, try something different! Instead of watching TV, take a relationship class; or instead of hours of doing things that aren’t getting you what you want, start doing things that will bring you closer to creating what you do want! Next thing you know, you will want what you have… which, Buddha says, is the definition of happiness.

Dating like most everything else doesn’t have to be so hard!

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