Here’s that dating quiz I promised you from Maryanne Comaroto. Enjoy!

While you may be tired, overwhelmed and have no bandwidth right now as survival is taking its toll, as my mother would say, “Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle.” Here is an exercise that may help you reignite your search for freedom of being, as well as put some pep back in your step—the energy it takes to pretend to be someone you are not, be fake, is extraordinary.

What’s fake about me? exercise

1. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things that are fake about you (you may burn after reading, of course). Examples might be that you are:

Fake skinny: you spend an inordinate amount of time watching your weight so that people will find you attractive or so you will feel loved or seen. You fear that if you were fat you would never be happy, popular, get a man, be loved or accepted.

Fake nice: you spend much of your time trying to make people like you, manipulating your circumstances by being nice so you can get what you want, while underneath you seethe with resentment or envy of those who don’t seem to care what others think.

Fake rich: you pretend to be successful, you have mortgaged your life so others will think you are a person of worth, you lease your car that you cannot afford, buy clothes to create a false image, live in a house beyond your means, etc.

You get the idea, go ahead and explore all the fake parts: fake smart, because you believe you need to know so you can hide your fear of being inept or stupid; fake pretty, in hopes of being perfect-looking so you can finally be important, special or loved; fake happy, because you know people don’t want to hear your problems and would never want to be around someone as depressed and messed up as you really feel. Fake straight, fake sexy, fake sensitive, fake caring, fake in control, fake good mom, fake happy marriage, fake great relationship, fake healthy, fake spiritual, and on and on. Let it out. You have an opportunity to relieve yourself of the burden of living this secret life by simply admitting it!

2. Be with it. Sit down with what’s fake about you and move deeper into it. Exaggerate it, even. Give it a voice. Let the fake part or parts have a turn telling you about themselves. You might be surprised at what they have to say!

3. Feel it. Whatever feeling or emotions come, let yourself have them. Like a wave, they will not hurt you; they will wash through you and heal you if you have the courage to feel them all the way. (It could be helpful to have an enlightened witness to share this part of the process with, someone you trust to your core.)

4. Allow it. Relaxing into this allowing, comes freedom. In the acceptance comes understanding and then compassion. Including all our parts allows us greater freedom of being. Developing unconditional love for ourselves expands our capacity for intimacy and joy.

5. Know this is not all of who you are. My teacher Kathy reminds me of this fact all the time. I feel relieved and all at once welcomed back to the human race and condition. We find our right size again. This perspective gives space for a sense of peace and well-being, room to breathe and dream forward your heart’s true desires again. Your soul shines, your authentic self is free to be!

Namasté and blessings, freedom seekers!

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This dating diamond comes from Maryanne Comorato and has her usual flair and zeitgeist. Let me know what you think!

Someone once (or twice) said, know thyself. Let’s see; the Oracle of Delphi, Jesus, well, heck, about everybody worth mentioning has some twist on it. Why? Most of us who have been in therapy, read numerous self-help books, etc., are left being mostly acutely aware of what is wrong with us and eventually head back to the barn (what’s familiar). There is only so much we can take. And those of us who hang in there still complain of the loneliness and austere life it seems the road less traveled requires.

“To Hell with it!” we say, “Life is short and I need a reward for all this vigilance and self-examination, arrgh…pass the Kool-Aid.” So, we continue the search, now seeking elsewhere for guidance, and perhaps decide Popeye was right, “I am what I am” and get on with life. We continue to meet people, to date ~ all the while potentially ignoring who we really are.
If knowing the truth and ourselves is that much trouble, I can’t be bothered: I have bills to pay, mountains to climb, kids to feed, men to date (who will hopefully rescue me from it all), women to date (who will hopefully distract me from my failures), pounds to lose, wrinkles to conquer, a legacy to leave so I can get to Happily Ever After already. So we ditch Buddha for Santa Claus (& Popeye) and keep looking for the secret. “Know thyself, ha!” we mutter and join the proverbial “if ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” crowd.
We manage to skate for a while on our latest distractions: dating someone new, new job, new cosmetic procedure, sudden influx of cash, new handbag or project. Yet the gap between how we act and who we are widens, and no matter what we tell ourselves, eventually the suffering returns, most of it silent. And we wonder why. So we up the dues: go on more dates, get more sex, more stuff, more money, more attention, better projects, a different house, another baby, another job, travel (that’s it! I need a vacation!), a face lift, a tummy tuck, lose 20 pounds, a younger wife, get another degree, REDECORATE for God’s sake… THIS IS AMERICA! The pursuit of happiness is my birthright!
Beneath the façade of fake smiles and the it’s all good story swells the raging sea of discontent, the cauldron of disappointment, chilled by terror and fueled by resentment that things are not different. This cocktail is lethal—we chase it down with envy and regret as the elusive dream slips further away.
According to scientists, our daily behavior is 90% subconscious. From years one to five a projection reel spliced with trauma, false beliefs and genetic inheritance has been cast upon our nubile brains: the reel continually spins out our reality, like the daily press, in predictable neural loops over our lifetime. It seems who we are is simply who someone else (“they”) told us to be. Most of us were duped and now are understandably pissed, as we find interrupting these patterns and uncovering who we really are feels like trying to stop a nose-diving 747 jet with a diaphragm.
You might cry, “Why do I pretend to be more than I am, have more than I have? Why do I feel that I am not enough, why don’t I want what I have, how come happiness escapes me, why do I believe that when I get (blank) everything will be okay, but that never seems to come? Why am I looking for the perfect person to date, thinking they’ll complete me?” The good news is, what is fake about you is NOT who you are! Who you are is magnificent, eternal, and unique. Yet until we know this true self we feel trapped in a life directed by an unconscious dictator, our subconscious beliefs and patterns.

If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, Maryanne is co-hosting a workshop that will teach you how to protect yourself emotionally AND physically. Watch a preview of what to expect here.

Stay tuned till Monday and MaryAnne will conclude this guest post with one of her patented dating quizzes. Enjoy!

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I suppose dating is the last thing you should be thinking about today, but I suggest you take some time to reflect on what makes all your relationships work…or not work.

Which ones make you the happiest?

Which ones make you sad?

Which ones make you cringe?

I believe the holidays are the perfect time to re-evaluate your life and make the necessary changes for your future happiness.

Dating, relating and jingle belling don’t have to be so hard!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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This time Maryanne has come out fighting! Well, not exactly with fists of fury, but she does explode the myths that might be holding you back from dating the true love of your life!

Top 5 male mating myths

? All the good ones are taken
? A man’s penis has a mind of its own
? All men only want one thing
? Men are dogs
? Good guys are boring

So let’s start at the beginning:

? All the good ones are taken
Let’s start with the word ALL. Right away, this sweeping generalization has to tip you off to the fact that’s it not even possible to get around to all 3.4 billion members of the male population to test this ridiculous yet popular notion. Instead, this is an idea conjured from a deeply lacking mentality. I have never believed this. Rather, I thought “So many men, so little time.” And so it was true for me. Energy flows where attention goes, right? So maybe you need to switch up your internal chitchat. Remember, water seeks its own level—like attracts like! OUCH, I know, that stings, and sucks to be with. You may want to consider that perhaps your belief that there are no great ones available to date or mate is simply a clever way to avoid looking at who you are being and why you attract the kind of men you do. Man up, ladies and take a good look in the mirror. You may not like what you see, but know this—until you do, in the long run, neither will anyone else!

? A man’s penis has a mind of its own

Really. This may be the world’s oldest excuse for men behaving badly. Want proof? Set up an interview with one (a penis, that is). I think you’ll find your subject disappointing, aside from one rather impressive calisthenic move. Bring a tape recorder in case you’re the one person in history that will get one to talk instead of drool. Be reminded, ladies, of the definition of mind: That which is responsible for one’s thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason.” Should any man want to argue that his penis is the seat of his faculty of reason, RUN!

? All men only want one thing

That’s so insulting, not to mention untrue. Donald, my fish, wants more than that. Think about it. If it were true, men would never get into dating relationships, never marry; heck, never leave their houses, and Vaseline stock would be worth billions. Yes, men love sex, most people do—but don’t sell yourself short.
It may very well be that you have learned (as many women do) to value that most about yourself, and therefore attract men who place that extremely high on their priority list. Again, go to the mirror. What do you value most about yourself –really? What do you believe? The man you attract will simply reflect this belief. How much time and energy do you spend trying to be attractive and alluring? Get a handle on your beliefs and check in with your archetypal seductress; maybe it’s time to re-group, re-prioritize and re-think what you’re putting out there in the dating poo. Lead with sexy, get sex. Lead with your magnificent, authentic, sacred self and, believe it, you’re 100 times more likely to attract the same!

? Men are dogs

If you approach any man thinking he’s a dog or someone to be trained, you are in trouble. Relationships are challenging for most of us under the best of circumstances; don’t make it harder by starting out at a deficit, holding anyone you’re interested in such low regard rather than in their highest light. Great relationships, dating or otherwise (even friendship!), require a huge deal of respect to make it over the long haul. If you suspect the person you are with to be operating out of their lower nature, move on. It’s the loving thing to do. We don’t need to pause and let them know what we think needs to be improved, or (in detail) how we feel about the way they are choosing to be. Just notice that it doesn’t jive with what you want for yourself in a date or a partner and respectfully—GO. A great definition of Love I recently heard: Let others voluntarily evolve. WOOF!

? Good guys are boring!

Yeah, if you’re a drama junkie. Well, are you? My mother, God bless her, said something to me I have never forgotten. I made the mistake of telling her I was bored once, when I was probably 10 or 11. She smiled and looked squarely at my little face and said simply, “Well, honey, if you’re bored, you’re boring.” I don’t think I’ve been bored a moment since. My mother taught me the lesson of a lifetime; that I am the only person responsible for my delight, my joy, my entertainment and happiness. That the party is wherever I am. I will always be grateful. So many of us women think it’s a man’s job to manage our emotional thermostat. If you want romance, take a bath and light some candles, buy yourself some chocolate or flowers. And while you’re at it, you might want to take a hard look at your relationship history and patterns and explore your love imprint. Saying all men are boring is overly simplistic, and you may miss out on someone who is a sleeper, someone who just needs a while to warm up. Happy trails!

Whether dating or mating Maryanne Comorato will tell you like it is!

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Do you think dating a robot is too far fetched? Would dating a robot help you when dating a real man?

Well, the egg head in this video seems to think that robots may be the key to your relationship happiness. He thinks that the robot will help warm you up to real communication! The robot will be kind of like a starter husband!!

Want to know what I think of this?

I find the whole concept of dating a machine kind of amusing until I stop and think that men and women do it all the time!

Whatever do I mean by this?

Men and women across the world are using their cell phones and computers as barriers to real communication. Plain and simple. in this way, they are dating machines instead of people!

Dating, relating and communicating don’t have to be so hard! All you have to do is put some thought into it and you’ll be amazed at how your dating and love life turn out!

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Call an ambulance!

Lady Gaga has traumatized the intrepid SkyJohn!

What in the wide wide, world of sports am I talking about?

Watch the video and see for yourself.

OK so he’ll be alright, but will you?

Consider this. Let’s say you make a great first impression while dating by being as well done up as possible. Your make up is just right. Your hair is lustrous and full of bounce. You are the bees knees and you know it!

But what happened when the lights came on? What happened when the shine wore off?

Did you and your man have enough of a relationship to survive that first 90 days of dating?

SkyJohn like most men was at first enraptured by Lady Gaga but then something funny happend on the way. He saw her for what she really is: another human being just like you and me. No more no less. Lady Gaga has all the same issues as you and then some.

Don’t kid yourself!

Build as strong a relationship as possible and you’ll be on more solid footing with the man that could become your husband some day.

As always, dating, relating, and jaw dropping don’t have to be so hard!

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Check this book out. I believe the insights into the male mind at work can give you helpful tips on dating. That’s right! Dating!

While the author explores the male thought process at work, I don’t believe for a second that her insights won’t also help you while dating.

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People magazine has done it again! They just voted Johnny Depp as the sexiest man alive.

Who would get your vote?

Do you even care?

Is there a better way to rate men for dating purposes? For marriage purposes?

Would you like to be dating these hunks?

What makes a man sexy?

Dating, Rating and relating don’t have to be so hard!

Let me know what you think right now!!

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How many is too many?

Would dating someone who has 300 orgasms per day sound appealing to you?

Would there be a dating line in the orgasmic sand for you?

Would you try to keep up? Could you? Should you?

Should this lady see a doctor? Is there a cure? Is this a sickness? Are we the ones who are sick for not having so many?

Whatever your answers might be, there is one multi-orgasmic woman in this world that has found her man! I say if she can find Mr. Right, why can’t you?

Dating, relating and orgasiming don’t have to be so hard!

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I try to send dating warnings whenever possible. You’ve been warned.

I’m not sure what to call this PUA. Pick up artist is too simple. I think poop shoot artist is more appropriate!

Dating, mating and communicating don’t have to be so anal…I mean hard!

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