What to do when dating a nut job? SkyJohn has the answers!

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This will conclude from Maryanne Comaroto’s Friday guest post about letting go. I just finished six years of watching Lost last night with my wife and I thought how ironic given Maryanne’s post!

While you’re at it, why not let go of your hopes, dreams, and fears, as well? That you’ll be a huge success someday. That you’ll never be more than mediocre. That you’ll die alone. That true love will fix everything. That you’ll be happy when you lose the weight. That revealing your true feelings will turn people off. That you can do or be anything if you just apply yourself diligently enough. That the people with the money control everything. That you’ll meet the right person if you just rewrite your online dating profile to make yourself sound more interesting. Let it all go.

And your semantics, let go of those, too. That home is a certain place, or a certain set of people. That you have a favorite book, a favorite song, a favorite color. That you don’t like seafood, that you prefer cold weather. That you enjoy road trips, but hate flying. That there’s a certain type of person you’re attracted to, and a certain type you’d never date. That anything ever changes. That anything ever stays the same. Let all those ideas go.

That people are generally good, that people are inherently dishonest, that people from with certain nationalities or religious beliefs can’t be trusted. Let all those thoughts and opinions go. That global warming will kill us all soon anyway, that the hole in the ozone layer is closing, that life is not fair, that these are the best times and we’d better take advantage of them before.

Let me know how you plan on letting go of Lost or whatever!

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Maryanne Comaroto asks some fundamentally human questions around doing what would seem impossible: letting go. Of course, it’s not actually impossible, it just seems like it!

If you’ve had challenges around this,  let me know what happened.

Attachment is a funny thing. We are attached to everything – our opinions, our identities, our beliefs about how things are, our beliefs about how things should be, our beliefs about who we are. We define ourselves by these attachments, and yet… what if you simply decided to let go?

What if you let go of your anger at the injustice in the world, and of your frustration that the next-door neighbors seem to work less and have more than you? What if you simply let go of your running tally of who has been good to you, who was never good enough, and who still owes you?

You could expand this idea, and start letting go of your thoughts about politicians, about celebrities, or about your co-workers. About your boss, and how you could do a much better job of running the company. About all the things you’re proud of having done, and all the things you regret. All your perceived accomplishments; all your perceived failures. Just let it all go.

What would it be like if you suddenly stopped hanging on to all your notions about how you come across to others? That you’re the kind of person who seems intelligent, who doesn’t eat meat, who is generous, who is shy, who enjoys live theater, who can’t hold down a steady job, who influences others, who is easy to get along with. That you’re the predator, the prey, the wallflower, the social butterfly. That you try your hardest but just can’t get a break. That you make it all look effortless. All those things you make sure people see in you – just let them all go.

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Evan Marc Katz answers one of the biggest questions I get: Why do guys always leave women after they finally have sex?

Evan answers this perplexing question with an ounce of prevention. He says you should get a commitment from a guy before you have sex.

What “commitment” entails is up to you, but there’ no doubt you should get one before you get dumped!

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A family member (we’ll call him Bob) recently told me of his experience in the upper echelons of the corporate world. Bob had just retired from his company and felt free to divulge the secrets of what really goes on inside the corporate boardroom.

What I didn’t know was that Bob had been fired not once but twice from the same company. It was the same job, same responsibilities but they fired him twice! They even brought him back a third time, but only to consult. How could this be you ask?
Knowing Bob well enough and having been around the corporate block a few times, I realized that Bob likes to deal with reality while too many corporations like Enron, Arthur Anderson and the like, love to traffic in baloney.

If Bob thought something was amiss or off he would tell those in charge what he thought. Too many people can’t handle the truth. They’d rather bury their heads in the sand and hope the danger of their decisions pass. Bob was never one to let a bad idea fester and cause problems later on. When he would tell his boss or the owners of problems (often caused by them), they would feel threatened and want to blame him. It was easier to get rid of him than the problem.

I believe that some men run their relationships this way. If they fail to connect with a woman or feel awkward talking to her after being intimate with her they leave and never come back. Better to get rid of the person than the problem which would be their inability to emotionally connect even after great conversation or great sex.

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When scientists compare the male brain to the female brain, they find some amazing differences. For instance, women’s brains have 10% more grey matter in the emotional area of the brain. What’s more the emotional part (right side) of the female brain is far more connected to the language part (left side) of her brain than the male brain is. In a very real way the female brain is a more elegant machine than that of the male.

So when men and women do the deed, a guy’s brain doesn’t necessarily “connect” whereas the female brain connects the sexual act to the emotional impact that sex can bring. His brain let’s him know that sex is a pleasurable experience and then moves on.

What’s more, the part of a guy’s brain that does pursue a woman is 2.5 times larger than the same part of a woman’s brain.

As men, our brains are built to pursue and then move on. The reason: because we can.

Let me explain…

For hundreds of thousands of years men have had sexual relations with women and then moved on never to contact them again. Women no doubt from the caveman days till today have been emotionally hurt by this for good reason: women have roughly a 25% chance of getting pregnant while men have a iron clad 0% chance of ever getting pregnant. Therefore, It’s in the females best interest to become attached to a guy she just had sex with…after all she might be pregnant.

The bottom line is that men’s brains are built to do what they do and female brains are built to do what they do. I believe that this is done on purpose and for the best.

I’d love to hear what you think.

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