Don’t you just wish your life could be better? Less heartache, fewer headaches and more money in your bank account would be great!

What if there were a legal pill to make your pain and heartache go away?

Well, scientists think they may have found a cure in a your old Tylenol bottle!

I’m not sure that a pill will solve your problems when push comes to shove, but having your mental pain relieved sounds like a great thing.

Of course, a pill won’t make your man communicate better and it won’t make him cuddle more, but if something as cheap as a Tylenol can make your dating headaches go away, why not try it?

Dating, mating and taking your medicine don’t have to be so hard!

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This is the conclusion to yesterday’s Tiger Wood’s dating diamond…so to speak. Maryanne Comaroto as usual gives it to you straight.

Second, women who choose to date men who are cheaters do so because we are either afraid to be abandoned or alone, are financially dependent, are defined by a man wanting or loving us, or simply do not yet honor and respect ourselves. NOT because we love him and want to stand by our man. This is immature love and romanticized dating attachment. And if your man has moved from having cheated to being a cheater, he doesn’t need help. You do—get some, and some self-respect while you’re at it. You will be thrilled you did in the long run!
Third, do you know what one of women’s greatest strengths is? One of our greatest gifts? Our intuition. Use it or lose it. Look, we know! We see the red flags; we just …want what we want. We want handsome, tall, and strong/rich, powerful, and sexy/ hunky, artistic, etc., etc., guys who will sweep us off our feet and we’ll live happily ever after. We like the idea of love, not the reality. And I gotta tell you this; fantasy gets us into more trouble than just about anything. Slap yourself. Pay attention. Do your homework. Very few men turn into cheaters who were not already cheaters of some kind. The writing is on the wall—read it OR pay the price. How much is your peace of mind, your soul, worth? I’ll bet Mr-pro-golfer’s wife is asking herself that right now. Heavy price to pay, I say!
And four and last (for now, anyway). Wanna stay a victim and a blamer, or embrace the path of a skilled relationship warrior goddess? Maybe it’s time to fan your inner flame, turn up the volume of your passionate heart, and say YES to what’s most sacred and NO to what is not. To deny any suitor who has not taken care to bow before the divine, honor women and children, to live by the code inscribed in their deepest core, whose life reflects this on and off the field! How about you…shame on who?
Great relationships begin within!

Hope you all have  great weekend dating, relating and communicating!

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Here’s that dating quiz I promised you from Maryanne Comaroto. Enjoy!

While you may be tired, overwhelmed and have no bandwidth right now as survival is taking its toll, as my mother would say, “Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle.” Here is an exercise that may help you reignite your search for freedom of being, as well as put some pep back in your step—the energy it takes to pretend to be someone you are not, be fake, is extraordinary.

What’s fake about me? exercise

1. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things that are fake about you (you may burn after reading, of course). Examples might be that you are:

Fake skinny: you spend an inordinate amount of time watching your weight so that people will find you attractive or so you will feel loved or seen. You fear that if you were fat you would never be happy, popular, get a man, be loved or accepted.

Fake nice: you spend much of your time trying to make people like you, manipulating your circumstances by being nice so you can get what you want, while underneath you seethe with resentment or envy of those who don’t seem to care what others think.

Fake rich: you pretend to be successful, you have mortgaged your life so others will think you are a person of worth, you lease your car that you cannot afford, buy clothes to create a false image, live in a house beyond your means, etc.

You get the idea, go ahead and explore all the fake parts: fake smart, because you believe you need to know so you can hide your fear of being inept or stupid; fake pretty, in hopes of being perfect-looking so you can finally be important, special or loved; fake happy, because you know people don’t want to hear your problems and would never want to be around someone as depressed and messed up as you really feel. Fake straight, fake sexy, fake sensitive, fake caring, fake in control, fake good mom, fake happy marriage, fake great relationship, fake healthy, fake spiritual, and on and on. Let it out. You have an opportunity to relieve yourself of the burden of living this secret life by simply admitting it!

2. Be with it. Sit down with what’s fake about you and move deeper into it. Exaggerate it, even. Give it a voice. Let the fake part or parts have a turn telling you about themselves. You might be surprised at what they have to say!

3. Feel it. Whatever feeling or emotions come, let yourself have them. Like a wave, they will not hurt you; they will wash through you and heal you if you have the courage to feel them all the way. (It could be helpful to have an enlightened witness to share this part of the process with, someone you trust to your core.)

4. Allow it. Relaxing into this allowing, comes freedom. In the acceptance comes understanding and then compassion. Including all our parts allows us greater freedom of being. Developing unconditional love for ourselves expands our capacity for intimacy and joy.

5. Know this is not all of who you are. My teacher Kathy reminds me of this fact all the time. I feel relieved and all at once welcomed back to the human race and condition. We find our right size again. This perspective gives space for a sense of peace and well-being, room to breathe and dream forward your heart’s true desires again. Your soul shines, your authentic self is free to be!

Namasté and blessings, freedom seekers!

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This dating diamond comes from Maryanne Comorato and has her usual flair and zeitgeist. Let me know what you think!

Someone once (or twice) said, know thyself. Let’s see; the Oracle of Delphi, Jesus, well, heck, about everybody worth mentioning has some twist on it. Why? Most of us who have been in therapy, read numerous self-help books, etc., are left being mostly acutely aware of what is wrong with us and eventually head back to the barn (what’s familiar). There is only so much we can take. And those of us who hang in there still complain of the loneliness and austere life it seems the road less traveled requires.

“To Hell with it!” we say, “Life is short and I need a reward for all this vigilance and self-examination, arrgh…pass the Kool-Aid.” So, we continue the search, now seeking elsewhere for guidance, and perhaps decide Popeye was right, “I am what I am” and get on with life. We continue to meet people, to date ~ all the while potentially ignoring who we really are.
If knowing the truth and ourselves is that much trouble, I can’t be bothered: I have bills to pay, mountains to climb, kids to feed, men to date (who will hopefully rescue me from it all), women to date (who will hopefully distract me from my failures), pounds to lose, wrinkles to conquer, a legacy to leave so I can get to Happily Ever After already. So we ditch Buddha for Santa Claus (& Popeye) and keep looking for the secret. “Know thyself, ha!” we mutter and join the proverbial “if ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” crowd.
We manage to skate for a while on our latest distractions: dating someone new, new job, new cosmetic procedure, sudden influx of cash, new handbag or project. Yet the gap between how we act and who we are widens, and no matter what we tell ourselves, eventually the suffering returns, most of it silent. And we wonder why. So we up the dues: go on more dates, get more sex, more stuff, more money, more attention, better projects, a different house, another baby, another job, travel (that’s it! I need a vacation!), a face lift, a tummy tuck, lose 20 pounds, a younger wife, get another degree, REDECORATE for God’s sake… THIS IS AMERICA! The pursuit of happiness is my birthright!
Beneath the façade of fake smiles and the it’s all good story swells the raging sea of discontent, the cauldron of disappointment, chilled by terror and fueled by resentment that things are not different. This cocktail is lethal—we chase it down with envy and regret as the elusive dream slips further away.
According to scientists, our daily behavior is 90% subconscious. From years one to five a projection reel spliced with trauma, false beliefs and genetic inheritance has been cast upon our nubile brains: the reel continually spins out our reality, like the daily press, in predictable neural loops over our lifetime. It seems who we are is simply who someone else (“they”) told us to be. Most of us were duped and now are understandably pissed, as we find interrupting these patterns and uncovering who we really are feels like trying to stop a nose-diving 747 jet with a diaphragm.
You might cry, “Why do I pretend to be more than I am, have more than I have? Why do I feel that I am not enough, why don’t I want what I have, how come happiness escapes me, why do I believe that when I get (blank) everything will be okay, but that never seems to come? Why am I looking for the perfect person to date, thinking they’ll complete me?” The good news is, what is fake about you is NOT who you are! Who you are is magnificent, eternal, and unique. Yet until we know this true self we feel trapped in a life directed by an unconscious dictator, our subconscious beliefs and patterns.

If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, Maryanne is co-hosting a workshop that will teach you how to protect yourself emotionally AND physically. Watch a preview of what to expect here.

Stay tuned till Monday and MaryAnne will conclude this guest post with one of her patented dating quizzes. Enjoy!

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This concludes Maryanne’s weekly guest post. As always she saves the best dating diamonds for last!

Signs of un-supportive relationships – dating relationships or otherwise!

Making ourselves small ~ you notice you place others’ needs or wants above your own, or hold back your wants and desires because you are afraid to alienate friends or dates.
Hiding our success ~ you hide or minimize or significant events or progress towards your heart’s desires, not to arouse negative response, rejection or criticism

Jealousy~ you notice people you’ve been dating, people who say they love or care about you are giving you mixed messages about your good fortune or advancement toward your goals. I.E. You just graduated from law school, your friend slaps you on the back and sarcastically says, “How does it feel to be part of the bottom-feeders club?” or “Ya know, most lawyers don’t even end up using their degree!”

Undermining~ someone you care about purposely says or does something to throw you off track. Perhaps your single roommate conveniently doesn’t tell you the hot new guy you’ve been dating called, twice; or doesn’t mention your name to someone who could help your career when they said they would; or worse, bad-mouths you behind your back.

Competitiveness~ maybe your buddy hits on a someone you have had your eye on for quite some time and then says something like, “Hey dude, snooze you lose.” Or picks your brain about your latest idea, takes it without telling you, and uses it themselves without cutting you in.

Devils advocate~ This person is always telling you why you can’t do something or why it won’t work, even when you don’t ask and they’re not an authority on the subject. “No one’s ever done that before.” “You can’t do that; you don’t have a license!” or “Where are you going to get the money to do that?” “She’ll never date you!” etc.

If you suspect someone you care about or love is holding you back, consider this: Great relationships begin within! No matter what they’re doing, we need to look first at how we treat and care for ourselves. Relationships stem from this fundamental truth.

*Another of what I call my 7 Essential Truths™ is surround yourself with supportive people! This may take some work, yet you will have a group of people in your life committed to you attracting and creating what you want. One of my husband’s and my marriage vows is “I want what you want for yourself,” and the friends I have today are as much fans of my living a rich, fulfilling life as I am of them doing the same. I am grateful every day to have them all in my lives!

If you have specific questions you want Maryanne to comment on please send your requests to info@maryannelive.com

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I get Crack the Dating Code fan comments from time to time and every once in a while, one is worth sharing. This comment from avid fan, Stacey, is one of those special comments. Stacey writes:

I kinda think it’s funny that nowadays, men are all still assuming that women NEED them – and that whenever they’re in an open dating arrangement with one – they all ASSUME that the woman WANTS a relationship with them and that’s why she’s doing it.

Newsflash for all you men out there. Times are changing and women don’t really need you as much as they did in 1950. They have their own homes, their own cars, their own sufficient incomes. . . .I mean, c’mon!

An open relationship these days. . . . is a WOMAN’S ways of saying, “I only need you for one thing – and one thing only. Then, I want you to go home.”

My take? Men and women whether they realize it or not, need each other to survive. Studies show that men live longer when they have women to love them. Stacey adroitly states that women have incredible power and money that they never had before. With this being said, it is more than reasonable to suggest that women don’t need men to survive as much as they have in the past.

I don’t disagree with this, but will say that while men and women may not need each other, they will always desperately want each other. That is to say, men and women need each other in emotional and spiritual ways that can’t be easily defined in terms of finances.

Dating, mating and financing don’t have to be so hard!

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I’ll be real short with this dating diamond and cut to the chase.

Women have wondered for millenia whether men like the real them or the dressed up version of themselves. My answer to them has always been the same. Men prefer that the women they love be happy. Nothing more, nothing less.

If getting humongous double D’s makes you happy, then by all means get them! If you need your hair a different color then by all means change it…and be happy. Just Be happy and we’ll be likewise.

So, it’s in this way that the happier you are, the less likely you’ll be to be mad at us!

Dating, just like surgically enhanced double D’s, isn’t as hard as you think!

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Still considering dating on the job? Still have no qualms with mixing business and pleasure? Then consider this TMZ video your wake up call!

A young lady named Brooke Hundley allegedly went Fatal Attraction on ESPN announcer Steve Phillips much to the chagrin of Phillip’s wife.

As I’ve documented before, dating at work is not for the weak of mind or heart. It is for big boys and girls only. This kind of dating can ruin marriages, families and careers so it’s best practiced with caution. I think the video should stand by itself as a testament to how crazed things can get while dating at work so beware.

Whether dating at work or at home, it doesn’t have to so hard! (when you use your head)

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Come on ladies! I know what you’re thinking! I can read you like the back of a book and I know you like the back of my hand.

What exactly do I know?

I know that you have been wondering for a long time what it would be like to be dating Rosanne’s Tom Arnold!

Now that you know don’t you feel much better?

Whether it’s dating Tom Arnold or someone else, dating doesn’t have to be so hard!

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Bill O’Reilly seems to think that there’s some kind of communication breakdown between Minnesota congress woman Michelle Bachmann and MSNBC. After all, why would they characterize this oh so innocent congress woman as a crazy lady bent on destroying America?

O’Reilly seems to believe that MSNBC thinks she’s hot so therefore they’re stalking her. Then again maybe that’s just what he would would do.

Dating and attraction are funny things. You never know where love will take you. And you’ll never know who you’ll be attracted to.

With all this being said I have advocated for men and women to work on their communication skills while dating, before they get married.

Don’t be as confused as poor Bill O’Reilly! Work on your communication skills NOW. Dating and communicating don’t have to be so hard!

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