Watch this video because your dating and mating future depends on it!

I believe you should look at your quest for true love while out dating in two ways:

Sometimes You Look Gift Horses In The Mouth

That’s right. Mr. Right may have been in your sights and you let him go! He was there in front of you and like a ghost, he vanished. I can think of two seemingly unrelated but important examples of this from two historic American’s:

• President Rutherford B. Hayes while impressed with Alexander Graham Bell’s invention of the phone, didn’t see a use for it.
• H.W. Warner, one of the Warner brothers, thought this of talking movies: “Who in the hell wants to hear actors talk?”

Face the facts, you won’t always make the right dating and mating choices. It’s part of life. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Convince yourself that you’ll be a better person for your experiences, good or bad. We all get a second chance so take advantage.

You are human and you will make mistakes in the men you choose to be your lovers. Not every man is marriage material and therefore, you will end up dating some that lack the proper marriage credentials. Deal with it. Get over it!

We are only human and as such are flawed. It’s what makes us US.

You Have To Be Ready For Mr. Right

Know that Mr. Right is also looking for YOU. Know that he not only wants you but needs you. It’s your civic duty to make yourself available for dating him!

Dating doesn’t have to be so hard!

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This Maryanne Comaroto dating gem concludes from yesterday’s post.

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.

What the heck does this have to do with dating and relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things.

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person you’re dating that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

1. One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!
2. Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
3. Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.
4. Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

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What’s YOUR “Mate-dar” IQ?

By: Maryanne Comaroto
So, whatever the reason, you’re on the prowl for a significant other. Maybe you feel you’re ready for a commitment. Maybe you’re looking for companionship. Maybe you’re ready to make the move out of the dating pool. So you feel like your “Mate-dar” (your ability to suss out a great mate) is in full force, turned up top notch. But the truth is – even if you have the purest of intentions for seeking out a relationship – nobody’s Mate-dar is perfect.
The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not. Making the all-important distinction between our unconscious persona and our authentic, healthy, whole selves. Until we have addressed this process it is likely that our wounded little kid has a hold of an adult tool, waving it around like a toy, and then BANG! somebody gets hurt in the dating game. Our Mate-dar, when operated by our 5-year-old wound, can get us into a lot of trouble—as would any part of ourselves we have not made peace with, healed or become aware of on some level.
In the case of seeking a great partner, when we are seeing through the eyes of a wound we are less likely to see clearly! This can show up in different ways (boy, can they be tricky, slippery and subtle all at once), most of them falling under the guise of denial or rationalization.
Here’s a great story to illustrate how elusive accessing our very own truth can be.
My husband, David, got on the scale this morning. I could hear the clang and distinct argh. “How can that be? I gained four pounds? I have only been eating lettuce all week, for crying out loud.” I tried to comfort him by saying that muscle weighs more than fat, and then burst out laughing, realizing that’s what I told myself last time I got on the scale. After we lavished one and another with a few more excuses, we decided that the scale was broken and we needed to get a new one. One that told us what we wanted to hear! That we were not fat!
I have learned it’s one thing to sit around and bitch and moan wishing things were different, and another to do something about it. So I went for a run, then later we went to get the scale. Apparently doing a little of both.

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Be careful for what you wish for!

Dating a politician or for that matter any man wielding great power will have its perks as well as its downside. The question you have to ask yourself is is it worth it?

Could you put up with women throwing themselves at your man? Having known women that were dating NBA basketball players, I know that other women were literally throwing themselves at these men. Dating someone else or not, the other women didn’t care. They were attracted to his fame, money and power like bears to honey. One of my colleagues told the story of getting off a plane with her man, his arm around her, and women giving the guy their numbers!

The list of political relationship horror stories is legion. There’s John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Eliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford all of recent note. What I’m trying to point out is that these are not isolated incidents. These are men doing what men do with power: attract mates. This has been going on for thousands of years and will not stop.

My hope is that you’ll recognize this before you go into this kind of relationship and go in with eyes wide open.

In this way, dating, mating and relating won’t have to be so hard!

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Poor kid!

All he wanted was to give the girl of his dreams a rose. One rose and nothing more!

It’s often said that those seeking stardom should be careful what they wish for and I think Megan Fox would say the same thing.

Poor Megan Fox besieged by the evil paparazzi, refused this kind soul’s rose. The sad sack was brushed off without so much as a look in his general direction.

I’m sure if Ms. Fox were dating the picture takers, she would give them all the time in the world but she isn’t so she acts rather cold towards them.

Is it too much to ask?

It’s not like he was going to ask her out on a date. There’s a big difference between giving a girl a rose and dating her.

OK so maybe the kid didn’t have a chance in hell but you gotta give him credit. Don’t you?

He had the guts to try and show his his genuine love for the besieged Ms. Fox and it got him no where. I for one am pulling for this kid and hope that some day he’ll get his wish and not only be dating Megan Fox but also get married to her!

Then again maybe he should be careful what he wishes for.

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With Megan Fox’s box office bomb opening this weekend, I thought it appropriate to show the following fun video!

While Ms. Fox may come off like a major league witch (replace the w with whatever consonant you like), there are golden dating nuggets just ready for your dating pleasure.

Megan Fox knows that she can control men…to a certain extent. She has the power of her femininity and she’ll use it as she sees fit. Whether dating or being interviewed, She wants to be the one in control.

My dating guide goes into far more depth, but realize that Ms. Fox is on to something. Wars have been fought over women and they will no doubt help ignite them in the future. I even had a friend in high school confide in me that his father won his mother in a knife fight but I digress!

Here is probably the biggest dating and relationship aha moment you can take from Ms. Fox: While your beauty may get you in the door, it’s your personality that may ultimately show you the door.

Love and kindness come from within and can’t be faked like beauty. Dating with an air of love and happiness in your heart will go a long way towards not only landing a man but keeping him forever.

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Move over Oprah! Get out of the way Dr. Phil!

There’s a new dating expert about to blow your socks off!

His name?

Barney.

No, no he’s not the purple dinosaur!

If there is one show that all women out dating should be watching it’s CBS television’s, How I Met Your Mother, starring NPH otherwise known as Neil Patrick Harris.

How I Met Your Mother is a great show thanks to the all star talent of NPH (Neil Patrick Harris) who plays the star of the show, Barney. Barney gives dating advice with the earnestness and conviction of Maya Angelou reading a poem.

With that being said, Maya Angelou would probably puke if she heard Barney’s dating tips and advice!

So I suggest you program your TIVO and make sure to watch this engaging and entertaining show about the not so delicate interplay of men and women looking for and sometimes actually finding love while dating.

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I suppose I have some explaining to do…

The title to this Crack the Dating post may be a bit misleading but I have a perfectly swell explanation for it. You see, The Young Turks are all up in arms over a California assemblyman and his affinity for spanking female lobbyists…at least that’s what the assemblyman says on open mikes!

The Turks are a bit too sanctimonious for my money and here’s why. They ask indignantly whether it was worth it for these women to give into this politician’s sexual desires for the sake of getting what they want through the California legislature.

I don’t believe for a second that these women were “whoring” themselves out.

Before you get on my case, consider the following points. While men are attracted to youth, women are attracted to testosterone and gray hair. Older men plus testosterone equals politicians. Male politicians become what they are for the same reason guys join rock bands: to get laid.

As far as the female lobbyists whoring themselves out, I disagree. Studies show that women are more attracted to men with more testosterone. If you measured male politician’s testosterone levels, you’d probably find them to be well above average. Therefore, it’s natural for these women to be attracted to men like this.

Here’s my point: Don’t think for second that this could never happen to you while on the dating circuit. Whether dating guys like this or working with them, guys like this will tend to have multiple sex partners. Power plus testosterone equals multiple lovers. Face the fact that you will be attracted to guys like this and be aware before you get ensnared into their webs.

Dating doesn’t have to be so hard!

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Be warned!

Dating at work can be dangerous to your health!

This seems to be the debate for the ages: should you be dating your co-workers?

Matt says yes while Tamsen says no.

I met and married my wife while attending a small Midwestern college, so I understand these very challenges. If a relationship goes bad in a close environment where everyone knows everyone, bad things can happen. My wife and I saw it happen time and time again yet we and others are still married and very much in love.

Then again, I’m reminded of a highly respected and successful female Chicago Board Of Trade trader that fell in love while dating a much younger male trader. He eventually broke it off and she fell into despair and couldn’t work anymore. She was never seen at work again.

While work complicates dating and relationships, there is no reason why it has to ruin them. If you go about the work relationship with love and integrity, no challenge will be too big.

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For those of you out there dating and trying to find the man of your dreams, I thought it would be a good thing to show you what a woman in love truly looks like. What’s going on in her mind? What makes this kind of woman tick? Is she different from you? What makes her so special that a man would drop everything to make her the love of his life?

Well that woman is none other than Maryanne Comaroto! Maryanne has been so nice to guest blog for me that I thought it would be cool to really get inside her head and see what’s going on in there! She couldn’t be more in love with her man so why not take a peak at her thought process?

Well, luckily Maryanne has written a beautiful and moving love poem to her husband that I think really answers a lot of questions.

Of course, don’t hesitate to ask me questions on love and dating if they pop up after you’ve read the poem!

Here is the poem. Enjoy!

For Labor Day weekend, I want to share a poem I wrote for my husband. Blessings to everyone!

Cotton Candy Bouquets

So many dreams

I mistook them for balloons

Streaming through life

Sweeping up their long curly strings in my hand

Wrapping them tight around my wrist

Pulling them down from the pale blue sky

Like cotton candy bouquets

Whenever I felt the whim

Just because I wanted to

Just because I could

It was so easy then

So much fun

I popped them

Sat on them

Pretended I was pregnant with them, tied them to chairs

Tables, my wrist and even my little brother

Then watched them magically float away

I wondered how high they could go

I wondered how high I could go.

I wondered.

I wanted to play in the clouds

So I tried

I jumped as high as I could off everything

I did back flips in gym class

Did cartwheels on ice

And sought out every trampoline I could find

Until one day I flew off my mother’s bed and cracked my head open.

I wanted to fly

So I tried

I swung from the monkey bars with determination and grace

I dared the balance beam with my arms stretched out to the side

I climbed the highest ladders and slid down every slide

Until one day I ran a race and won but was disqualified

I was so excited I had walked back in someone else’s lane

I wanted to Love

And I did

I talked all night until we fell asleep

Kissed until my lips were raw

Made love my very first time and disappeared

Until one day my heart shattered

I watched him drive by that very day with another girl

I wanted to sing ~ Lisa told me my voice was too low

I wanted to be a model ~ Toni told me my nose was too wide

I wanted to act ~ I was afraid I couldn’t remember my lines

I wanted to play music ~ I broke my finger

I wanted to paint ~ Ms Mattis yelled at me because I painted outside the lines

I wanted, I wanted, I .wanted

I wanted everything!

But they told me I had to stop wanting so much

That I wanted to much

That I couldn’t have what I wanted

That you can’t have it all

That I was spoiled and selfish

To quit acting like a child

That life is hard and then you die

That money doesn’t grow on trees

That nobody gave them a break why should they give me one

There are kids starving in Africa- right now.

That it’s a cruel world out there

That your lucky if you have five true friends

That there is only ONE true love

That only 2% of the population will ever be rich

That there it’s us against them

Me against the world

To get over it

That we are going to die in 2012

Who do you think you are? They scorned as I tried to keep wanting.

I didn’t know

So naturally-

I died.

I watched my self fade into the bleak deserted future

My body hardened

My Spirit abandoned

There was nothing left but… play the game

Say yes when you mean no

Be nice to get what you need

Say anything to get what you want

Do anything to get what you can

Take anything you can get

Hang on

Don’t let go

Never say die

Never give in

Never give up

Take the money and run

Bigger is better

Fuck em if they can’t take a joke

I am laughing all the way to the bank

This is mine

That’s mine

These are yours

Those are mine

He’s mine

You’re mine

Wait…

Someone’s coming

He’s coming

Is anyone coming?

Is anyone out there?

And naturally…

I died again

And then one day I cut off my balloons

Me so tired of dying

Me want to live

Me want to celebrate

Me want to perform anyway

Me want to sing anyway

Me want to paint anyway

Me want to play anyway

Me dance ANY WAY

Me vulnerable anyway

Staying open anyway

Heart open anyway

Open anyway

Everyway

Everyday

This day

Right here

Right Now

Finally

At Last…

For my husband David on 1/30/07, and it’s just gotten better since then!
September 4, 2009

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