This Maryanne Comaroto dating gem concludes from yesterday’s post.

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.

What the heck does this have to do with dating and relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things.

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person you’re dating that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

1. One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!
2. Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
3. Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.
4. Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

Popularity: 1% [?]

So What are the top 10 qualities you would want in a Partner? Maryanne Comaroto thinks she knows them, so why not sit down and give her your ear? This dating and relationship diamond concludes from yesterday’s post on the same subject and gives some insight into the male mindset. You’ll definitely want to read this! Hope you enjoy!

1) Great in the sack

2) Great in the sack

3) Great in the sack

4) Great in the sack

5) Great in the sack…

Sorry.. I know I am going too fast–I do that sometimes–but did you get that so far, ’cause I have 5 to go… but – you already know what the rest of them are. Exactly–great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack.

Now then while I am sure JACK has some motivation for telling this story, other than to humiliate men for making them appear as though they have no discretion when it comes to dating and sex –which would really be like saying men are stupid (that can’t be true). Perhaps he’s simply lost his way. I must give him credit for the fact that he apparently asked these gentleman to rethink the question, and they did come up with some insightful, significant qualities they are looking for in their relationships with women.

Apparently our friend (who now shall, for his own protection, remain nameless) has not been informed that hormonal litmus testing is medieval, that we live in houses now, we even read and write. (How did he miss that?) We have developed skills in the dating game beyond pounce and attack. How does someone who is in the position of teaching open, impressionable people get away with spouting ancient stereotypes like he was proud of the “well-known fact” that men often think with their smorgasbords?

The point is–well, one point is: Making love is an art – and it’s not just about the sex. It’s no wonder so many women think being great in the sack is a good investment of their time. How about we all revisit that list, people…take pen and paper and really make a list. Look and see what unconscious ideas you may have about the other sex…’cause when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

Popularity: 1% [?]

So What are the top 10 qualities you would want in a Partner? Maryanne Comaroto thinks she knows them, so why not sit down and give her your ear? The conclusion to this post will come tomorrow and be the capper to the week. You’ll definitely want to remember to stay tuned! Hope you enjoy!

I heard the most evil thing the other day. My definition of evil is often flexible, lying somewhere in between totally heinous and completely ridiculous. This story falls in there–you decide for yourself.

My gal pal told me she read a book this guy wrote, a so-called “dating expert.” ( If I had one less scruple, I might tell you his name–for now, we’ll call him something friendly, like Penile Supremacist…PS for short. Fine–forget that, let’s just call him Jack. There! Who can argue with that?) So JACK made quite an impression on my not-so-easily-impressionable gal pal recently. She rang me straight away to give me the scoop.

“Maryanne, you’re not going to believe what @#$% says in his book!” She’s known me for 15 years now, knows that in general male/female dating issues have been in my top 10 list of favorite things to get bunged up about…particularly when they’re coming from downwind, let’s say. Historically, she delivers the message and then runs for cover. As she started recounting “The top10 qualities women are looking for in relationship with men,” my eyes started rolling back in my head. (I get bored easily sometimes.) Here’s all I can remember:

1) Presence

2) Intelligence

3) Sense of humor

However, I perked up a bit when she started on the men’s list, which I remember every detail of, luckily. You have to be so excited–are you? I mean, finally someone is willing to divulge such privileged information–top 10 qualities men are looking for in relationship with YOU! Here they are, in order of importance:

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once or twice a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience.

Today’s post concerns respect for others whether you’re dating, divorced or married to them. While Maryanne directs this at men only, I respectfully ask that you read this post carefully as it my open your eyes as to the quality of your love life.

Guys, this one’s for you – and ladies, feel free to pass it on to any guy you know in your life who’s on a path toward thinking holistically about love, relationships and family.
In my work over the past two-plus decades, I’ve focused on relationships of many different types – dating, casual, serious, engagement, marriage, divorce, post-divorce … and in my most recent book, “Hindsight: What you need to know before you drop your drawers” I present the relationship tool belt. Although applicable for just about anyone, the book – and my subsequent teaching on it – is primarily geared toward women.
But I’m also interested in how the male mind relates to relationships, and I there are many, many guys out there who are on paths toward healthy, honest, fulfilling relationships – dating, marriage or otherwise. How we approach relationship and sex cannot be separated from our values about children, marriage and family (considering one primary unconscious drive is to procreate). Having stated the obvious, it’s what isn’t so obvious that I would like to help illuminate with my next book, Investing Your Family Jewels. It’s an attempt to help folks heal and educate themselves so we as a culture are better equipped to raise healthy, thriving children, rather than continue the cycle of dysfunction we each in our own way struggle to be free of.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once or twice a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience.

This dating diamond concludes yesterday’s RAT post by giving you the exact questions Maryanne likes to ask of those she counsels to better dating lives! Just as you are one man away from dating nirvana, you are also just one or two questions from pure relationship bliss.

Q 1 When is it okay to date someone who is already in a relationship?
1.Human beings are not monogamous creatures
2. As long as they don’t really want to be with that person
3. I’d rather wait until they are available

Q 2 How long should you wait before you get sexually intimate with someone?
1.It depends on how well I know the person
2.If it feels good, do it
3.Two or three dates, unless it’s love at first sight

Q3 Does it matter how someone’s relationships have ended in the past?
1.Some people just bring out the worst in each other
2.That was then and this is now
3.I am attracted to people who keep their side of the street clean

Q4 Does God matter in a relationship?
1.Not believing in God doesn’t make you a bad person
2.I think it’s key to a relationship to be spiritually compatible
3.To each his own

Q5 When you should bring up marriage or commitment?
1.Be upfront about what you want; you both deserve that
2.You should just go with the flow
3.Not until you’re sure it won’t scare them away

Q6 At what point do you talk about kids or birth control?
1.Love me, love my kids; and know that whatever I do, I am responsible for
2.If you have ‘em, wait to bring them up; if you don’t, wait until they mention it
3.Have a condom and don’t say anything you’ll regret later

Q7 When and how do you talk about STDs?
1.I would assume someone would tell me if they were sick or had some disease
2.ASAP and gracefully
3.You can tell when people are clean and healthy—and always bring a condom

Q8 Does it matter if someone you are with has been incarcerated?
1.Everyone deserves a second chance
2.As long as it wasn’t murder
3.Depends on what for

Q9 Does everyone need a purpose in life?
1.I just want them to be happy
2.Absolutely—or in sincere pursuit
3.As long as it isn’t me

Q10 Do you believe in Happily Ever After?
1.I don’t need to anymore
2.I believe in the pre-nuptial agreements
3.Sure, who doesn’t want that?

Tally up your points with the key below and mail your score to info at maryannelive dot com, and we’ll send you the results. Find out if you need an X-termination, need to lay off the cheese, or if you are a cheese connoisseur!

Key:
Q 1: 1) 2 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 3 points
Q 2: 1). 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point
Q 3: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points
Q 4: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points
Q 5: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point
Q 6: 1) 3 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 2 points
Q 7: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points
Q 8: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points
Q 9: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points
Q 10: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 1) 1 point

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience. Today’s dating gem takes off from Maryanne’s post concerning what you should and shouldn’t reveal in your relationship.

So what to do? What I usually do; I took this show on the road. I gathered a studio audience filled with men (I was pretty clear on where we women stood on the matter) and dragged 40 other men down the rabbit hole with me, determined for them to give it up. To cough up the truth, the whole truth and nothing but…their truth. Thank God (dess) they came along willingly!

Under the right circumstances men will tell you almost anything, particularly when they know you won’t hold it against them—for ransom!!

I started out the show asking men to imagine they are on a date or with their significant other at a restaurant, and a woman/girl/female walks by—an attractive one, at that. The girlfriend/mate notices they were looking just a little bit longer than the normal glance, which in girlspeak is over three seconds and constitutes a stare, which then reflexively triggers her claws and insecurity (if she has any)! Then she says the words men NEVER want to hear: “What are you looking at?” Oooohhhh, every man knows what I mean, too, because this is that moment, that place where they have to decide, should I tell the truth or not? Most men in this group, as it turns out, opt for NOT. Which is no surprise to me, so I press on (like I do) and ask WHY? Why don’t you tell the person you are with, the truth? Set her free, set yourself free. Validate her intuition. She knows it, she feels it, yet repeatedly we dance this dance, this unspoken agreement to keep each other hostage by trying to protect something we ultimately cannot. Our egos.

Invariably, each man told a similar story as I passed the microphone around. They want to say it (the truth, that yes, they were looking and liked what they saw), but they feel that the women cannot handle the truth and they would suffer the consequences or punishment (usually a withhold of sex). So the men decide, it isn’t worth it. (For the record, most women don’t tell the truth because we fear men will leave and we need them to stay, so we too withhold such truths.) I declare to my men that all of the above eventually turns to poison and kills the relationship—a slow, yet lethal seepage of lie-onide. And ask, what, if anything, can be done? and wait to see who cares.
A few brave men raise their hands and say they will bite the bullet, that they are tired of the game – played when dating or otherwise – want to be free and see whether the damage can be avoided with some compassion, patience and valor. My heart swells, I deliver copious hugs and close the show hopeful for all relationships now and in the future.

Dating or not, regardless of the subject matter, I remain a faithful servant to the liberating phrase, The truth shall set you free. And today fill my life with people young and old devoted to the truth, whose hearts swell with compassion and expand with courage to venture towards greater freedom of being. Thanks to those brave men and my devotion to the truth, I am ever grateful and am no longer afraid to lose what is not possible to have. Blessings!

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience. This dating gem will conclude tomorrow so please stay tuned!

Many years ago, having been married a brief time, I came home after having had a strong, yet curious, experience. One I was both eager and frightened to tell my husband about, knowing what I had to say was considered a taboo subject. Eager, because I was the taboo-slaying Joan of Arc; frightened, because I had never seen a relationship work when two people dared utter—never mind explore—the truth together.

True to my higher quest, I could not help but venture towards the rabbit hole, alone or not. I felt burdened by my experience and assumed that my partner would have at least some interest in dropping in with me (it was my unspoken ideal of what love looked like—that we care deeply about what is important to each other); at least, I hoped, and dove right in…

“Have you ever seen someone, you know, like on the street, or while you were in your car waiting at a stop light and thought to yourself, hmmm, I wonder what my life would be like right now if I was dating or married to that guy?” I said wide-eyed, rumbling on the brink of fascination. He stood, eyebrows raised, expressionless, poised like a soldier given marching orders, and walked away without saying a word…for two weeks.
Aha. Just as I suspected (frankly, as my mother warned me), men don’t want to hear this kind of thing. They don’t want to know how many men you have really slept with, how many guys you’ve dated, they don’t want the gory details about anyone’s else’s appendages, they don’t want to know you have ever experienced pleasure outside of your relationship with them, if you’re frightened, insecure, needy—and definitely don’t want to hear that you are currently wondering what it might be like to be with anyone else aside from them.

Coincidentally, the same seems to hold true for us women; we aren’t so keen on hearing that our beloved has just fantasized about another life with some other woman (or man). We don’t want to hear that YES he thought that woman who just walked by was GORGEOUS and had fabulous breasts, butt, eyes, whatever. And we definitely don’t want to know if he actually used to DATE her! Nor do we want to hear that lately the relationship isn’t spicy enough, or that they have temporarily lost interest in sex, or are considering that perhaps this is not the relationship they signed on for…and on and on. The possibilities of what we are unwilling or unable to explore or include is as endless as it is difficult!

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience.

Ever notice when you’re dating certain people, you feel contracted, self-conscious, worried that who you are is somehow flawed or not enough? And then there are other folks, in whose presence you feel just the opposite. You feel relaxed, expanded, closer to the best version of yourself; natural, free and enough! Ever wonder why that is? Or why we would ever choose to get into a relationship with the former? Me too! As a matter of fact, this perplexing twist turns out to be as simple as it is complex—and I am inclined to move towards the simple understanding in this moment.

One of my students recently started dating again. Her self-care practice is stronger than ever. She knows who she is, what she wants and has a relationship plan and tools in her relationship tool belt. She is gainfully employed, has other work filled with her mission and purpose that she is building on the side, lives where she wants, takes care of her body, puts good things in her mind and prays for guidance. But, like all of us, she struggles from time to time when trying to decide who she wants to date. Like many of us she is still attracted to what looks good and feels good, but perplexed about why that almost always leads to: “Makes me feel bad about myself in the morning.” And even though she has made her list of non-negotiables and written extensively about the character and makeup of her potential partner, she turns into a deer in the headlights when a certain type of person enters the scene. And forgets all that, as though she’s got temporary amnesia.

My student was confronted with just such a perfect example recently when she told me about two men with whom she was interested in starting a dating relationship:
One she had known casually over some years, the other she met randomly (although at the time she believed their meeting was serendipitous.) The first person was handsome, courteous, grounded, and his words were consistent with his actions. The second gentleman, while their initial meeting was considerably more electric, was not entirely who he made himself out to be. Turns out, while he was interested in getting to know her, he was not available for a relationship, nor did he call when he said he would.
She shared with me the truth about their meeting, and that she could feel how this guy was like the type of guy she was traditionally attracted to. And at the same time as she recognized this, she also saw that she felt bad about herself almost immediately after meeting him. Whereas bachelor number one has been consistent, even and honest. Fortunately, because today she loves herself and wants a great dating relationship, she snapped out of it.

?Sometimes we just got give up the flames for the slow burn!!!

I said this was going to be simple and really, honestly, it is. Is it true these folks that “bring out the worst in us” have something to teach us? Yes. Or that they are mirroring a part of ourselves that perhaps we do not like? Yes, that is also true. Or that you don’t always, every second of the day, love or like who you are, so therefore it would be unrealistic to think that you would feel in love with yourself in this person’s presence every moment you are with them. Also true.
However—and this is a big however—Why make your dating like out to be a battlefield of personal development if you don’t have to? In other words, if you want to “work on your issues” why not deal with your childhood wounds or mom/dad material head-on? You don’t have to find a mate that rings your bells. Go to therapy. Delve deeply into your subconscious mind and free yourself from these imprints, low self-esteem or self-worth issues. You don’t have to spend your precious time with, have sex with, move in with, date or marry them.

Changing certain self-defeating behavior is, like I always say, like pulling a jet plane out of a nose dive. But do not fret. With enough persistence and a daily practice of self-love you are sure to eventually prevail and, like so many of us converts, ultimately make better and better relationship choices, in all areas of your life! And I will keep you posted on our hopeful bachelorette!

For more information on my daily practice and the & seven essential truths for waking up and staying awake, check out www.maryannelive.com

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience.

What do you do when you really want that “special someone” to be there, in your life, available for you to date, RIGHT NOW?! If you’re not looking to be like the woman I mentioned in part one of this article – who gave her life savings to a man (a criminal!) she was dating, only to have him turn up dead, in a car he bought with her money, before paying her back – you’ll hopefully be able to glean some wisdom and viable suggestions from my next five tips.

Not dating anyone and being alone can be, well, LONELY! And most of us – even those who like to be alone – don’t really like to be lonely. But what can we do about it? Many of us find in this situation for a reason: our previous dating relationship just ended, we’ve tried and tried to sustain a successful relationship but with no luck, we’ve decided being with someone isn’t the healthiest thing for us. All these are perfectly good reasons for not being in a relationship. Most of us need to take time in our lives to seek out why we act the way we do, and to get to truly know ourSELVES! But that doesn’t make being alone or lonely any easier.

So, while you’re on your path to self-discovery, here are a few things you can do RIGHT NOW, to help yourself through whatever it is you might be going through!

? Talk. I must say I had a list of folks who would talk with me in the wee hours of the morning if I needed to be “talked down”… if you know what I mean. Not members of the opposite sex, but friends that cared about me, knew my history and were devoted to my heath and well-being. Honestly, I have never been a big phone talker, but when I got lonely sometimes it would take the edge off—just hearing someone’s voice was comforting enough to get me to the next place!
? Play. To get over some of my dating tragedies, I started dancing the Five Rhythms (www.movingcenterschool.com), took salsa lessons, ice skated w/ my son, played cards with friends, ping pong, trained for the Avon Walk (okay, for me training is fun), painted with watercolors, took classes at City College, went to open-air markets. There are a ton of things to do and a million online resources in your area for what I call “clean living,” fun things to do.
? Get a pet. I love cats, have two (Chloe and Leila), a dog named Bella and a fish; the current one’s name is Donald. (My niece and nephew named the last three Sparkles One, Two and Three.) I cannot tell you how many times my cats have come and cradled me in the midst of some of some of my most intense loneliness. And I let them. I was learning how to comfort myself when I had only known how to reach to someone else before (most of the time not the best someone, either). And yes, they respect me in the morning, all of them, every time—and best of all, so do I!!!
? Laugh. love to laugh at myself and when I am not busy laughing at myself, I seek out opportunities to find the humor in just about everything. I am easily entertained. (My mother once said that if you are bored you are boring.) Comedians on DVD are fab and I recommend getting a library of them—it is inexpensive to build, and way less expensive than a one-night stand or bad dating choice.
? Pray. Oh yes, never underestimate the power of prayer. I have said prayers over and over, hoping someone or something out there would hear me, and then one day it happened. I found my Divine connection to…well, The Divine, of course, and have never looked back. It was like coming home, and now I find great comfort in prayer and meditation, as corny or simplistic as this sounds. I know, I know, you are desperately lonely— then I say to you, pray like it!!

I’m not simply talking about activities that take up time, but rather, things that will help you discover who YOU are, and put you on a path to where you want to be!

Popularity: 1% [?]

Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience.

The original title of this article was:

10 Things you can do when you are lonely but not ready for a relationship (part 1)

I asked Maryanne to break it up into two parts and give some insight into how this subject not only applies to dating but also to the rest of your life. Hope you enjoy!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were lonely enough, longed SO MUCH to be loved and cared for, that you did something stupid. Looking back, do you think it’s probably because you weren’t ready for a relationship, so you weren’t selective about who you decided to enter into one with?

I know of a woman who so longed to be loved, held, and not feel lonely that she gave the guys she was dating, a man she hadn’t known long and knew to be a criminal, all of her life savings—some forty-three thousand dollars to be exact. He promised, along with his abiding love, that he would give her back her money with interest in only two short months. When she told her friend what she had done her friend pointed out that she had a small child to feed, and reminded her she had just lost her job—and, incidentally, two other boyfriends just like this one.

Several months passed, having heard from him only once, when she began to inquire about his whereabouts. Hoping to reclaim her inheritance and self-respect, she learned that he had died in an automobile accident and had left behind a young widow and three small children. When she told her friend what she had discovered, her friend asked her what she had learned. To which she replied, “He died in the car he bought with my money.”

For some of us, being internally referenced or taking responsibility for all you experience – in and out of the dating world – is a foreign concept. I know it was for me. I, like so many of us, believed that my circumstances were designed or slated by some dark fate, bad luck or perhaps my difficult childhood. And I didn’t have to look far to see many of my role models and contemporaries following suit.

But I decided to change that – and I came up with with five things you can do when you feel desperately lonely:

Feel. I say we gotta feel it to heal it. And if we don’t know what we feel, we don’t know what we need. Get a pillow, sit on the floor and bring it on. Facing our fears sometimes is the perfect answer. I found that if I was gentle, waited and sat with myself long enough, I would begin to feel and heal – from dating drama, heartbreak, and whatever else lurked under the surface.

Move. Release what’s inside. Let it out. Sometimes I had so much energy, so many feelings welled up in me, that I stood in my kitchen barefoot on the hardwood floor and gyrated around spastically flailing my fists at God and everyone, like James Brown on crack. I screamed and cried and danced and collapsed until I was empty. Beyond that – running, hiking, swimming, dance classes—you name it, I did it!!

Read. Yes, it is not easy to quiet that restless mind, so pick books that are inspirational and that will engage you every time. Ones that have exercises and great “if I can do it, you can, too” stories. I always had a stack of self-help books and autobiographies nearby, J still do.

Write. One of my single girlfriends told me she writes herself love letters. One every night, and they get longer and longer. Then when she wakes up she reads them to herself. Whatever you have pinging around up there, put it on paper. Doesn’t matter how you do it. Journal, write letters to God (he/she will answer back). Who knows, maybe you’ve got the next NY Times bestseller in there!! I wrote copious amounts of dark, intensely feeling poetry in words from the 13th century, channeling my “DNA gone bad” from the past. It was so great to get it out of my body!

Collage. I love to collage, as I am very visual. Pulling pictures out of new magazines (great way to recycle) of people, places, and things that made me feel happy or inspired always worked for me. Sometimes I was surprised at what I learned about myself, what I really liked or longed for.

I’m not simply talking about activities that take up time, but rather, things that will help you discover who YOU are, and put you on a path to where you want to be!

Popularity: 1% [?]