I have to admit that I did watch ABC’s The Bachelor when it first came out. There was a certain innocence about dating shows like The Bachelor that was appealing to both me and my wife. The Bachelor also gave us the opportunity to talk about our own relationship and what we could do to improve upon it.

That was then and this is now:

Dating shows are defined now by the characters (or lack there of) on them. Their back stories and scandals titillate like no others. We watch not to see love blossom but to see scandals erupt.

I now feel a little dirty watching these shows and don’t know what to think.

What do you think?

Popularity: 17% [?]

Maryanne Comorato gives you another look into dating and relationships as only she can. Enjoy!

My mother told me I was lucky if I could count all my real friends on one hand!
Must have been fifteen or so years ago now, when it occurred to me after a string of disappointing dating relationships that maybe she was right—again. That it might be wise to invest more time in creating some deep and lasting friendships, as they theoretically seemed to have greater staying power and could be in many ways equally fulfilling, perhaps in some ways even more.
I must add that, up until that that point, my history with friendships was rather sketchy and my role models even more so. My mother barely trusted women (her best friend slept with my dad) and my father, well, made a lot of offers people couldn’t refuse. Childhood aside, the relationship skills I had gathered afforded me as many pleasant and happy memories as traumatic or forgettable ones. Over the years, many of the friendships had been more fragile than I liked, and oftentimes out of balance one way or the other. Either I was too needy or too unavailable, or our lifestyles were not totally compatible—being a single mom certainly didn’t help. Yet, the ones I did maintain (for whatever length of time) offered a mutual comfort that, when absent, left me yearning for that very specific kind of connection that only a platonic camaraderie offers—one that, no matter how compatible, a sexual relationship does not.
Finding this handful of friends is, in many cases, no easy task; especially given the cultural fad of vapid, disposable, let’s-do-lunch, I-love-you-after-five-minutes, overweening, entitled, texting, emotionally handicapped, walking wounded human beings most of us act like. And that’s before you even get to hello. Finding your peeps, as they say, isn’t as easy as it seems but, like all good things, is definitely worth the work!

This guest post will conclude Monday with more hands on tips for making your dating life the very best it can be.

Popularity: 10% [?]

Come on ladies! I know what you’re thinking! I can read you like the back of a book and I know you like the back of my hand.

What exactly do I know?

I know that you have been wondering for a long time what it would be like to be dating Rosanne’s Tom Arnold!

Now that you know don’t you feel much better?

Whether it’s dating Tom Arnold or someone else, dating doesn’t have to be so hard!

Popularity: 4% [?]

Bill O’Reilly seems to think that there’s some kind of communication breakdown between Minnesota congress woman Michelle Bachmann and MSNBC. After all, why would they characterize this oh so innocent congress woman as a crazy lady bent on destroying America?

O’Reilly seems to believe that MSNBC thinks she’s hot so therefore they’re stalking her. Then again maybe that’s just what he would would do.

Dating and attraction are funny things. You never know where love will take you. And you’ll never know who you’ll be attracted to.

With all this being said I have advocated for men and women to work on their communication skills while dating, before they get married.

Don’t be as confused as poor Bill O’Reilly! Work on your communication skills NOW. Dating and communicating don’t have to be so hard!

Popularity: 3% [?]

As a follow up to yesterday’s Crack the Dating Code post, I thought it only fair to cover the other side of the now infamous dating love triangle, Robert “Joe” Halderman.

You read that correctly. I’m calling this whole farce a love triangle!

What exactly do I mean by this?

As I’ve written about before, the male brain is suspicious and downright jealous of any male that comes your way. His brain can’t help but be jealous. The male brain has never and will never be 100% certain of paternity and as such, jealously guards the females he mates with.

Joe Halderman actions, in my opinion, are a classic example of this jealous behavior. He was dating Stephanie Birkitt at some point and also new that she had had sex with David Letterman. It’s therefore quite possible that his mind was seething with jealous rage and then had to extract vengeance on her former lover, David Letterman.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The guy you’re dating is probably not a raving lunatic, but it’s his brain you’ve got to worry about.

What actions can you take to never engage the jealous male brain? For one, never talk about your former lovers. The guys you were dating in the past are nothing to you and as such should not be mentioned. And under no circumstances should you ever talk about the men you have had sex with in the past. You are a virtual virgin or to put it another way don’t ask don’t tell!

Dating and mating doesn’t have to so hard!

Popularity: 3% [?]

Watch this video because your dating and mating future depends on it!

I believe you should look at your quest for true love while out dating in two ways:

Sometimes You Look Gift Horses In The Mouth

That’s right. Mr. Right may have been in your sights and you let him go! He was there in front of you and like a ghost, he vanished. I can think of two seemingly unrelated but important examples of this from two historic American’s:

• President Rutherford B. Hayes while impressed with Alexander Graham Bell’s invention of the phone, didn’t see a use for it.
• H.W. Warner, one of the Warner brothers, thought this of talking movies: “Who in the hell wants to hear actors talk?”

Face the facts, you won’t always make the right dating and mating choices. It’s part of life. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Convince yourself that you’ll be a better person for your experiences, good or bad. We all get a second chance so take advantage.

You are human and you will make mistakes in the men you choose to be your lovers. Not every man is marriage material and therefore, you will end up dating some that lack the proper marriage credentials. Deal with it. Get over it!

We are only human and as such are flawed. It’s what makes us US.

You Have To Be Ready For Mr. Right

Know that Mr. Right is also looking for YOU. Know that he not only wants you but needs you. It’s your civic duty to make yourself available for dating him!

Dating doesn’t have to be so hard!

Popularity: 3% [?]

This Maryanne Comaroto dating gem concludes from yesterday’s post.

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.

What the heck does this have to do with dating and relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things.

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person you’re dating that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

1. One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!
2. Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
3. Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.
4. Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

Popularity: 3% [?]

What’s YOUR “Mate-dar” IQ?

By: Maryanne Comaroto
So, whatever the reason, you’re on the prowl for a significant other. Maybe you feel you’re ready for a commitment. Maybe you’re looking for companionship. Maybe you’re ready to make the move out of the dating pool. So you feel like your “Mate-dar” (your ability to suss out a great mate) is in full force, turned up top notch. But the truth is – even if you have the purest of intentions for seeking out a relationship – nobody’s Mate-dar is perfect.
The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not. Making the all-important distinction between our unconscious persona and our authentic, healthy, whole selves. Until we have addressed this process it is likely that our wounded little kid has a hold of an adult tool, waving it around like a toy, and then BANG! somebody gets hurt in the dating game. Our Mate-dar, when operated by our 5-year-old wound, can get us into a lot of trouble—as would any part of ourselves we have not made peace with, healed or become aware of on some level.
In the case of seeking a great partner, when we are seeing through the eyes of a wound we are less likely to see clearly! This can show up in different ways (boy, can they be tricky, slippery and subtle all at once), most of them falling under the guise of denial or rationalization.
Here’s a great story to illustrate how elusive accessing our very own truth can be.
My husband, David, got on the scale this morning. I could hear the clang and distinct argh. “How can that be? I gained four pounds? I have only been eating lettuce all week, for crying out loud.” I tried to comfort him by saying that muscle weighs more than fat, and then burst out laughing, realizing that’s what I told myself last time I got on the scale. After we lavished one and another with a few more excuses, we decided that the scale was broken and we needed to get a new one. One that told us what we wanted to hear! That we were not fat!
I have learned it’s one thing to sit around and bitch and moan wishing things were different, and another to do something about it. So I went for a run, then later we went to get the scale. Apparently doing a little of both.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Be careful for what you wish for!

Dating a politician or for that matter any man wielding great power will have its perks as well as its downside. The question you have to ask yourself is is it worth it?

Could you put up with women throwing themselves at your man? Having known women that were dating NBA basketball players, I know that other women were literally throwing themselves at these men. Dating someone else or not, the other women didn’t care. They were attracted to his fame, money and power like bears to honey. One of my colleagues told the story of getting off a plane with her man, his arm around her, and women giving the guy their numbers!

The list of political relationship horror stories is legion. There’s John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Eliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford all of recent note. What I’m trying to point out is that these are not isolated incidents. These are men doing what men do with power: attract mates. This has been going on for thousands of years and will not stop.

My hope is that you’ll recognize this before you go into this kind of relationship and go in with eyes wide open.

In this way, dating, mating and relating won’t have to be so hard!

Popularity: 13% [?]

Poor kid!

All he wanted was to give the girl of his dreams a rose. One rose and nothing more!

It’s often said that those seeking stardom should be careful what they wish for and I think Megan Fox would say the same thing.

Poor Megan Fox besieged by the evil paparazzi, refused this kind soul’s rose. The sad sack was brushed off without so much as a look in his general direction.

I’m sure if Ms. Fox were dating the picture takers, she would give them all the time in the world but she isn’t so she acts rather cold towards them.

Is it too much to ask?

It’s not like he was going to ask her out on a date. There’s a big difference between giving a girl a rose and dating her.

OK so maybe the kid didn’t have a chance in hell but you gotta give him credit. Don’t you?

He had the guts to try and show his his genuine love for the besieged Ms. Fox and it got him no where. I for one am pulling for this kid and hope that some day he’ll get his wish and not only be dating Megan Fox but also get married to her!

Then again maybe he should be careful what he wishes for.

Popularity: 3% [?]