So last week I reviewed Maryanne Comaroto’s video on Hindsight her latest book out last week. It covered an excerpt from her upcoming DVD series and work shops on relationships.

She spoke about the high we’ve all gotten from that first phase of a relationship. Men and women are all on their best behavior during that initial 90 days. Things that might bother you while dating during this time are pushed aside in favor of peace and harmony. We all allow things to slide during this dating honeymoon phase.

You have your hair perfectly quaffed and your makeup just right. Everything your new man has to say is amazing and brilliant as if sent from God.

Your new man for his part, holds doors for you and asks you what you’d like to do. He to finds everything you have to say interesting and funny.

Sadly, dating for most will never be as fun and flirtatious as it is during those first 90 days. Unrealistic expectations are set up only to be knocked down when stress comes into the relationship. Suddenly, dating doesn’t seem as fun as it used to be.

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I just got done “interviewing” a good family friend who is going through a tough divorce. She’s about to turn 40 and had a lot to say about life, love and what makes a relationship or marriage last. What follows is just one question I asked her and her incredible answer that followed.

I asked her only one question in regards to the divorce and it was simply this: “What three things would you tell a 20 or 30 something young woman to do before she got married?

1. Educate Yourself and/or get a higher education
2. Travel and see what the world is all about
3. Love Yourself

She also said something that other men and women had told me about the difference between a failed marriage and one that lasts:

• Don’t need him because you love him. Love him because you need him.

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There was a news story from Cambodia, http://erickacourtney.wordpress.com/2008/10/09/estranged-couple-split-house-in-divorce-literally/,  today about a guy who cut his house in half after he and his wife divorced. Unlike a magician who can magically make a woman disappear, this poor fellow couldn’t make his ex-wife go away, so he divorced her and sawed his house in half!

A friend asked why a man would resort to this and boy do I have answers:

• He couldn’t sell in the current horrible housing market so he decided to take his half of nothing and enjoy it!
• His Cambodian 401K isn’t what it used to be.
• Everybody else is doing it so why not jump on the bandwagon?

You may be saying to yourself, Al, those first two are believable, but I just don’t know about that last one!

Well think again! My Crack Team has uncovered a disturbing trend in house cutting. Whatever the reason, men are turning their chainsaws on their houses. If you don’t believe me, check out this link below from September, 2005:

http://www.wastednews.com/?attachment_id=493

Or how about this from last month:

http://www.wlwt.com/news/14230786/detail.html

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I just got back from the farm where my daughter, Hannah, is learning to ride horses. She’s just turned eight and while she’s comfortable on top of the animal, she’s having a tough time getting the horse to listen.

To be fair, horses have to be touched and told how and where to go. Apparently it’s a two step process that involves more than just a verbal command. Just like you and I, the horse is dependent on far more than just your words to figure out where it’s going or what you want it to do. To get the horse to trot, my daughters instructor has the girls gently kick their horses sides, squeeze the horse’s sides and then yell “trot”.

Whenever you pull on the horses reigns it either stops or goes in the direction you pull the reigns in. If you pull the horse in the right way, it’ll take you to wherever you want it to. If only we men could be lead so easily!

As for the horse true friends, it’s flies, I have nothing but contempt!

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A family member (we’ll call him Bob) recently told me of his experience in the upper echelons of the corporate world. Bob had just retired from his company and felt free to divulge the secrets of what really goes on inside the corporate boardroom.

What I didn’t know was that Bob had been fired not once but twice from the same company. It was the same job, same responsibilities but they fired him twice! They even brought him back a third time, but only to consult. How could this be you ask?
Knowing Bob well enough and having been around the corporate block a few times, I realized that Bob likes to deal with reality while too many corporations like Enron, Arthur Anderson and the like, love to traffic in baloney.

If Bob thought something was amiss or off he would tell those in charge what he thought. Too many people can’t handle the truth. They’d rather bury their heads in the sand and hope the danger of their decisions pass. Bob was never one to let a bad idea fester and cause problems later on. When he would tell his boss or the owners of problems (often caused by them), they would feel threatened and want to blame him. It was easier to get rid of him than the problem.

I believe that some men run their relationships this way. If they fail to connect with a woman or feel awkward talking to her after being intimate with her they leave and never come back. Better to get rid of the person than the problem which would be their inability to emotionally connect even after great conversation or great sex.

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When scientists compare the male brain to the female brain, they find some amazing differences. For instance, women’s brains have 10% more grey matter in the emotional area of the brain. What’s more the emotional part (right side) of the female brain is far more connected to the language part (left side) of her brain than the male brain is. In a very real way the female brain is a more elegant machine than that of the male.

So when men and women do the deed, a guy’s brain doesn’t necessarily “connect” whereas the female brain connects the sexual act to the emotional impact that sex can bring. His brain let’s him know that sex is a pleasurable experience and then moves on.

What’s more, the part of a guy’s brain that does pursue a woman is 2.5 times larger than the same part of a woman’s brain.

As men, our brains are built to pursue and then move on. The reason: because we can.

Let me explain…

For hundreds of thousands of years men have had sexual relations with women and then moved on never to contact them again. Women no doubt from the caveman days till today have been emotionally hurt by this for good reason: women have roughly a 25% chance of getting pregnant while men have a iron clad 0% chance of ever getting pregnant. Therefore, It’s in the females best interest to become attached to a guy she just had sex with…after all she might be pregnant.

The bottom line is that men’s brains are built to do what they do and female brains are built to do what they do. I believe that this is done on purpose and for the best.

I’d love to hear what you think.

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I was preparing this post when I got a comment on my Facebook page from Alicia Dunams, author of the book Goal Digger. If you get a chance to read her book, you have to do it. She chronicles her life dating rich men and what she learned from them that completely turned her life around. Alicia wants to know why guys tend to bolt after that first time they have sex. She was bothered that I hadn’t directly answered that in my post “Those Who Fail To Man Plan, Plan To Fail With Men”

This post and the next three posts over the coming days will attempt to answer this most vexing conundrum.

As far as the quality(or lack there of) of the sex making a guy never call, it seems to matter little. One night stands withstanding, guys are generally pretty satisfied with their lovers. So,this is probably not the reason why he stopped calling you.

So, the bigger question is why? An even bigger question is what you should look for in the guy you just started dating for signs of “Haley” like behavior. (please refer to my post titled “How to Avoid A Guy Like Haley”) By Haley like, I mean the minute something doesn’t sit right he bolts for the door never to return, never to call, your number permanently put onto the do not call list. How do you decipher if he’s going to cut and run?

After all, the signs with Haley were there for all to see. She was a well trained show dog with a rigid schedule and a rather staid lifestyle. Haley did the same thing each and every day without fail and was rewarded for doing so. To break that pattern would mean less reward. Change meant less food, less attention and less love from her master. If I or anyone else who didn’t know exactly how to walk her tried walking her, she would force you to drag her until she gave in and walked. That’s how uptight and rigid the dog was. She was either around her trainer or other dogs. Screaming kids literally scared the piss out of her. My kids or anybody else’s kids would turn Haley’s life upside down upon entering the room. Change was bad.

A dog like Haley could never ever be trusted with my or anyone else’s security much less her own. If this were a person, would this be the kind of person you’d want to be in a long term relationship with? If yes, than you’re reading the wrong blog.

I bring all this up, because I’ve had friends and family hurt by schnauzers like this. One guy, bolted the minute he found out he was going to be a father. Another told his fiance on her wedding day that he was having a baby with another woman. Yes, the day of their wedding. Then there are the numerous women who’ve told me about guys that stopped calling after the first time they had sex.

In my man on the street interviews, I’ve met some amazing women who have told me their tales of love and loss. One told me how it took her three years to cut ties with her ex boy-friend. She told me the signs were all their, she just chose to ignore them. She was in love.

The “Do Not Call” List seems to be a long one for some guys. Some women I’ve spoken with would have it classified as an epidemic. Most guys that you’ll meet are probably not ready emotionally for any commitment beyond their monthly cable bill.

Great sex will inexorably lead you to give your guy those love eyes that you’ve been hiding or repressing. What are love eyes? Love eyes are intense and dilated eyes brimming with love. The lighter colored your eyes the more likely your intense love or attraction is going to show to your guy. (He was probably attracted by you baby blues in the first place) he no doubt sees this consciously or more likely sub-consciously and either is turned on or freaked out. After all, he has only dated you a couple of times and as such is not taking your coupling as serious as you are.

What say you: “But he whispered sweet nothings into my ear during our two hour sex romp” Translation: Anything a guy says during sex has to be ignored. Is he lying? Most likely not,he just can’t control the rush of hormones and emotion that is short circuiting his rational left side of his brain. This is not to say that he doesn’t mean every word, because he does…when he’s saying it. In fact he might not even remember that he said it. So if you bring it up during a future fight that will explain why he’ll deny ever having said it.

In short, we are no where near as prepared as you are for first time sex. We are in no way making future plans based on that first time whether it was good or bad. We make judgment larger than how well we pleased ourselves and how we pleased you.

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