Oct 14, 2009 Check this video out!
What if the guy you are dating has issues with your pet? What would you do?
Let me know what you would do.
Dating doesn’t have to be so hard!
Popularity: 1% [?]
No Comments 
dating, dating advice, dating tips, love, marriage, romance, sex
Oct 14, 2009 This dating diamond concludes from guest blogger, Maryanne Comaroto’s Tuesday post.
So I would say to this couple, go for it! IF they have managed in this three-week period to establish the following, at minimum:
Their top three non-negotiables.
If this person is worthy of their unconditional devotion and respect.
A strong “out” clause or good consciousness agreement.
If they themselves are a strong, loyal, devoted, trustworthy partner.
They have revealed all their deep secrets or habits that have the potential to destroy the relationship if not revealed and healed.
They have cleaned up all their past dating relationships.
Have the capacity to tell the truth despite the consequences, and see the value of truth as a cornerstone of their relationship.
Love each other’s friends and current daily lifestyle.
Have agreed upon children and child-rearing responsibilities.
Understand and are in alignment about money.
They are confident in each other’s ability to negotiate their feelings and concerns responsibly.
Know what each other values most in life.
Have shared and are in alignment and support of their 10-year plan.
Have agreed to see someone (either within the family or outside) to act as an unbiased counselor, to help support the relationship should they get stuck or feel they cannot resolve any matter that has the potential to end the relationship.
This, I believe, would afford them a good start. While dating relationships are a great breeding ground for personal development, chemistry as a litmus test for the potential of a relationship is too often a crash-and-burn method & can be quite painful. Rather than each failed relationship being a lesson learned, the pain becomes either fuel for the next one or a barrier to intimacy.
In our 20s we are at a peak in some ways, in terms of learning about who we are and who we are not, and oftentimes get into relationships based largely on chemistry—without having acquired some essential relationship tools and turned them into skills. Life will teach them soon enough. The good news is, if they really want a healthy relationship they are in a position to develop these skills, provided they have interviewed each other and revealed their shadows and non-negotiables to each other. Some of these deal-breakers, like infidelity or drug or alcohol addiction, are things that you want to know before you get married, not after!
Hard to establish trust when you have had so little time to see if the person’s words and actions match up. If you are in a rush, and clearly Khloe and Lamar seem to be, I’d advise them to take some time before Sunday to drop in with each other, because having a success plan is important! Bottom line, at least half of marriages end in divorce. If you want it to work, make sure you are prepared and have what it takes to make that happen.
To re-cap:
Hard to negotiate your needs after the marriage ceremony; double check your non-negotiables, you two!
What do you want and expect from each other & the marriage: do you both want kids, how will you share your money, or not? I call this a consciousness agreement.
What kind of relationship skills do you bring to the table? Do you have issues with commitment and intimacy, do you have a track record of being able to stay and hang in there when things get tough? “Looks good, feels good” isn’t going to cut it when things get sideways…these things are very difficult to negotiate after you already have established a pattern. Talk about it. What are you committing to?
Happily Ever After is not a place, and chemistry is not enough to keep a relationship together. They say that, in unconsciousness, the thing that brings you together in a relationship will be the thing that pulls you apart. What is your foundation for your relationship? I recommend spirit, God or the divine, and having a real practice.
Love is a choice and a privilege, not a sentence, so act like it!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Oct 12, 2009 I’m playing catchup! I wasn’t able to get to Maryanne Comaroto’s guest post last week so I will make up for it by giving you four Maryanne posts in a row! This post concerns the breaking wedding of Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian after only dating for four weeks. Maryanne, like myself, is suspect that their love will last.
Dating should be the time when a couple gets to know each other. Odom and Kardashian will never get that special time back.
And yet, I can’t help but pull for them. My parents were only dating 12 weeks when they got married and they are still married today. I had another friend in college who proposed to his girlfriend his freshman year and they are still married. It can be done
Here’s the deal; the facts are in. At least 50% of marriages don’t make it—which, if you’re a gambler, is slightly better than a crap shoot – this is what I told RadarOnline.com, when asked for a comment about Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s marriage.
And it would seem obvious to many people that marrying someone you have only been dating a few weeks would increase your odds of failure…among other things. So perhaps a better question to ask is not what are the downsides, but rather…why? Why get married? So you can have a party? Show up your sister on TV because you are profoundly insecure or desperate for ratings? What’s the rush? It’s not like love has a shelf life. Unless one is deeply religious, which is not evident in this case (correct me if I am wrong; I don’t think so), there are so few reasons to rush into nuptials before we have taken time to do a minimum of due diligence.
What I do know about these two people is they know something about success. It takes discipline, skill and focus (and perhaps a little luck) to turn your desire into reality. Hence my concern, again, about their haste. I am not convinced that these two people understand the game they are in – it’s more than a dating game! I feel whatever their motivations for wedlock—“looks good, feels good,” ratings, or whatever—they would benefit by focusing on the fact that the same commitment, discipline and skill that supported their success is needed to enjoy a successful relationship; particularly a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable one.
With all due respect, if these two people love each other, or feel a strong connection and want to jump into marriage (which I likened to jumping out of a plane, considering, well…that they have just barely met), they should strap on a parachute. Which is to say, they should strongly consider checking under the hood to make sure they have what it takes to make the journey before Sunday. Many things are very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to re-negotiate after they say “I do.”
While celebrity marriages may seem qualitatively different than the average boy-meets-girl dating scenario, all relationships thrive best when they rest on a solid foundation. In some ways, the celebrity relationship needs to pay even greater mind to this, as their relationship is subject to stresses, pressure and scrutiny that on a good day most of us cannot even fathom.
More to come from Maryanne tomorrow!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Oct 9, 2009 OK, this is probably fake but Dr. Phil could be in trouble.
Between Letterman and Dr. Phil, much has been said about how men conduct themselves in the workplace.
Love, romance and dating are hard enough without adding the complications of the workplace to the mix.
Whether dating at work or just trying to navigate through your day, it’s best to know exactly what to say while there.
Improve your communication skills and I think you’ll improve your life so what are you waiting for?
Popularity: 1% [?]
Oct 8, 2009 Then why would you tell him about them?
My answer to this oft asked dating question is that a lady never tells!
The real question is what do you think?
Whatever your answer, dating and mating don’t have to be so hard!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Oct 6, 2009 As a follow up to yesterday’s Crack the Dating Code post, I thought it only fair to cover the other side of the now infamous dating love triangle, Robert “Joe” Halderman.
You read that correctly. I’m calling this whole farce a love triangle!
What exactly do I mean by this?
As I’ve written about before, the male brain is suspicious and downright jealous of any male that comes your way. His brain can’t help but be jealous. The male brain has never and will never be 100% certain of paternity and as such, jealously guards the females he mates with.
Joe Halderman actions, in my opinion, are a classic example of this jealous behavior. He was dating Stephanie Birkitt at some point and also new that she had had sex with David Letterman. It’s therefore quite possible that his mind was seething with jealous rage and then had to extract vengeance on her former lover, David Letterman.
Now, don’t get me wrong. The guy you’re dating is probably not a raving lunatic, but it’s his brain you’ve got to worry about.
What actions can you take to never engage the jealous male brain? For one, never talk about your former lovers. The guys you were dating in the past are nothing to you and as such should not be mentioned. And under no circumstances should you ever talk about the men you have had sex with in the past. You are a virtual virgin or to put it another way don’t ask don’t tell!
Dating and mating doesn’t have to so hard!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Oct 5, 2009 “What kind of blackmailer are you?”
Great stuff from SkyJohn!
Beyond the tabloid nature of what happened to Letterman, there can be huge repercussions to dating at work. David Letterman’s alleged blackmail brought up just one nightmare scenario but there are many possible problems to dating someone at work:
Don’t get me wrong. There are many benefits to dating the boss. You’d be the first to know whatever news is coming down the pipeline and you’ll be the last to go when there are layoffs. And you’ll probably get a better parking space if only because your boss is taking you to work!
Whatever the outcome, it’s probably best to have a plan going into a job. If you feel there might be a connection with someone at work, you’ll probably want to weigh the pros and cons of dating your colleague or boss before you get hot and heavy. Let the other person know your thoughts and feelings and get him or her to agree to a standard of conduct that you both can feel comfortable with.
if you don’t go in with a dating plan, you could very well end up being fired or blackmailed. Dating doesn’t have to be so hard!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Oct 2, 2009 Watch this video because your dating and mating future depends on it!
I believe you should look at your quest for true love while out dating in two ways:
Sometimes You Look Gift Horses In The Mouth
That’s right. Mr. Right may have been in your sights and you let him go! He was there in front of you and like a ghost, he vanished. I can think of two seemingly unrelated but important examples of this from two historic American’s:
Face the facts, you won’t always make the right dating and mating choices. It’s part of life. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Convince yourself that you’ll be a better person for your experiences, good or bad. We all get a second chance so take advantage.
You are human and you will make mistakes in the men you choose to be your lovers. Not every man is marriage material and therefore, you will end up dating some that lack the proper marriage credentials. Deal with it. Get over it!
We are only human and as such are flawed. It’s what makes us US.
You Have To Be Ready For Mr. Right
Know that Mr. Right is also looking for YOU. Know that he not only wants you but needs you. It’s your civic duty to make yourself available for dating him!
Dating doesn’t have to be so hard!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Sep 30, 2009 Let’s hope not!
Leave your comments and don’t be shy! We want to know who the world’s best and worst lovers are!
If you’re dating a Spaniard, Brazilian, Italian, Frenchman, or Irishman, probably not according to one pole.
On the other hand, if your dating a German, Brit, Swede, Dutchman or American, you probably are dating a terrible lover!
Could this possibly be true? How so? Who did this poll?How dare they besmirch America!
Leave your comments and let me and the world know what you think right now!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Sep 29, 2009 This Maryanne Comaroto dating gem concludes from yesterday’s post.
“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.
What the heck does this have to do with dating and relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!
It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things.
So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!
You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person you’re dating that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.
1. One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!
2. Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
3. Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.
4. Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!
Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Contact
Subscribe