I listen to a lot of talk radio while in my car and was not surprised by my fellow Chicagoan’s reactions to Brett Favre’s retirement: joy, sadness and about time! People were happy yet sad to see one of the all time greats in the history of sports retire. He beat the Bears more times than we care to remember never gloating and then took it like a man when he lost. In an era when athletes are obnoxious, overpaid and selfish, Favre stood out for his class and humility.

That all seemed to change when he cried at his farewell news conference. Saying farewell was never supposed to be easy and Favre proved that by crying like a baby at his last news conference. It was painful to watch as he described how it felt to be done with the game that made him rich and famous. Callers to Chicago sports stations were unanimous in their derision. It was as if he broke some kind of guy code. Which Guy Code?

One of the Guy Code rules is that you never cry. It’s both a spoken and an unspoken rule. During fraternity hazings, fraternity brothers will beat and torture each other trying to make their brother give in or even worse: cry. The thought being that your not man enough to join the fraternity if you cry like a girl. Deeper than that is the unspoken rule that you’re not man enough if you cry. For the record, this rule is in effect even if you’re by yourself!

We’ll fight the tears till the bitter end and wipe them off as soon as we can, the better that nobody see’s them. Somehow, deep down, it implies weakness to us. I can’t really explain it other than to say that it’s very real. Maybe we feel that tears reveal an Achilles heal or weakness.

Guys just can’t handle tears. As a young salesman I had gotten to know a receptionist at an office I called on. The last time we spoke, she was getting ready for her wedding and was very excited. I brought my boss with me one day to see the owner so when I saw the receptionist I asked her how the wedding plans were going. I’ll never forget her reaction: tears, tears, and more tears! There was no arc and no Noah to save me.

Luckily my boss was a woman and quickly sprang into action. She was able to speak heartbreak because she too had been jilted at the altar. She calmed my former friend down as I quietly left the office. I asked my boss what the heck just happened. All she could say was: Ugh, you men just don’t get it do you? I replied that I didn’t know what she meant. She lamented that guys really have no idea what to do when they make a woman cry. I apologized but she just smiled and said no big deal, let’s go to lunch. 

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