I was preparing this post when I got a comment on my Facebook page from Alicia Dunams, author of the book Goal Digger. If you get a chance to read her book, you have to do it. She chronicles her life dating rich men and what she learned from them that completely turned her life around. Alicia wants to know why guys tend to bolt after that first time they have sex. She was bothered that I hadn’t directly answered that in my post “Those Who Fail To Man Plan, Plan To Fail With Men”

This post and the next three posts over the coming days will attempt to answer this most vexing conundrum.

As far as the quality(or lack there of) of the sex making a guy never call, it seems to matter little. One night stands withstanding, guys are generally pretty satisfied with their lovers. So,this is probably not the reason why he stopped calling you.

So, the bigger question is why? An even bigger question is what you should look for in the guy you just started dating for signs of “Haley” like behavior. (please refer to my post titled “How to Avoid A Guy Like Haley”) By Haley like, I mean the minute something doesn’t sit right he bolts for the door never to return, never to call, your number permanently put onto the do not call list. How do you decipher if he’s going to cut and run?

After all, the signs with Haley were there for all to see. She was a well trained show dog with a rigid schedule and a rather staid lifestyle. Haley did the same thing each and every day without fail and was rewarded for doing so. To break that pattern would mean less reward. Change meant less food, less attention and less love from her master. If I or anyone else who didn’t know exactly how to walk her tried walking her, she would force you to drag her until she gave in and walked. That’s how uptight and rigid the dog was. She was either around her trainer or other dogs. Screaming kids literally scared the piss out of her. My kids or anybody else’s kids would turn Haley’s life upside down upon entering the room. Change was bad.

A dog like Haley could never ever be trusted with my or anyone else’s security much less her own. If this were a person, would this be the kind of person you’d want to be in a long term relationship with? If yes, than you’re reading the wrong blog.

I bring all this up, because I’ve had friends and family hurt by schnauzers like this. One guy, bolted the minute he found out he was going to be a father. Another told his fiance on her wedding day that he was having a baby with another woman. Yes, the day of their wedding. Then there are the numerous women who’ve told me about guys that stopped calling after the first time they had sex.

In my man on the street interviews, I’ve met some amazing women who have told me their tales of love and loss. One told me how it took her three years to cut ties with her ex boy-friend. She told me the signs were all their, she just chose to ignore them. She was in love.

The “Do Not Call” List seems to be a long one for some guys. Some women I’ve spoken with would have it classified as an epidemic. Most guys that you’ll meet are probably not ready emotionally for any commitment beyond their monthly cable bill.

Great sex will inexorably lead you to give your guy those love eyes that you’ve been hiding or repressing. What are love eyes? Love eyes are intense and dilated eyes brimming with love. The lighter colored your eyes the more likely your intense love or attraction is going to show to your guy. (He was probably attracted by you baby blues in the first place) he no doubt sees this consciously or more likely sub-consciously and either is turned on or freaked out. After all, he has only dated you a couple of times and as such is not taking your coupling as serious as you are.

What say you: “But he whispered sweet nothings into my ear during our two hour sex romp” Translation: Anything a guy says during sex has to be ignored. Is he lying? Most likely not,he just can’t control the rush of hormones and emotion that is short circuiting his rational left side of his brain. This is not to say that he doesn’t mean every word, because he does…when he’s saying it. In fact he might not even remember that he said it. So if you bring it up during a future fight that will explain why he’ll deny ever having said it.

In short, we are no where near as prepared as you are for first time sex. We are in no way making future plans based on that first time whether it was good or bad. We make judgment larger than how well we pleased ourselves and how we pleased you.

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