I really feel like I’m letting the cat out of the bag, like I’m about to reveal too much. Some guys won’t be happy with what I’m about to tell you. In fact, some have already told me so! But I feel that not enough is being said about how guys really think.

The more you know about how your guy thinks and the way his mind wants to communicate with you, the better off you’ll be.

For instance, if a guy’s girlfriend tells him all her problems going on, he immediately seeks to fix them in his mind. If he can’t fix them, he moves onto something that can be fixed all but ignoring her plea for help. Dinner can be fixed, right? Guys can’t fix your boss (without getting sued or jailed), helicopter you over traffic to work, or cut your hair (wash and shampoo extra!).

This all being said, there’s no doubt that guys need to improve their communication, their bond, their connections to their wives and girlfriends. And that’s where all of these self-help tools come in handy. So the question is how can you involve your guy and make him the very best man that he can be? Here are four quick tips that might help:

1. Make it guy friendly: Sometimes, guys need to be played; particularly when you’re introducing self-help into the household. So do your research and find the most knockout, well-written, guy-friendly book on the market and start with that. Don’t go straight to Dr. Laura or Mars vs. Venus or something you’d like; let him get his feet wet with something he’ll like. Believe it or not, there are books that appeal to men in the self-help aisle.

2. Make it interesting: Don’t just hand your guy a self-help book, CD or DVD and expect him to read, listen or watch; he needs your help to help himself! Do it together. Serve his favorite food while you read aloud from the book, light candles and sit on the porch as you listen to the DVD or serve his favorite snacks while you watch the DVD. I know of a couple that read each other to sleep using a variety of self-help books.

3. Make it short: Guys, like kids, don’t have very long attention spans. The quickest way to get a guy hating on self-help is to show him a 400-page book, a 6-CD volume or a double-DVD collector’s series special edition. Even if the book has 400 pages or the set has 6-CDs or DVDs, break it down for him and promise him you won’t cover it all in one night!

4. Make it a package deal: I work with a colleague whose church suggested pre-marriage counseling for the lucky couple. The girl rejoiced; the guy resisted. And resisted, and resisted – until she promised him dinner at his favorite Chinese buffet on the way home after every Wednesday afternoon session. Soon, he couldn’t wait to go to counseling; and not just because of the buffet. They both started looking forward to the day together, the exploration of feelings with a trained counselor during the session and the continued discussion afterward. To this day his eyes light up when he recounts the eight weeks of pre-wedding counseling they had!

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