Editor’s Note: I’ve been lucky enough to get, Maryanne Comaroto, internationally know relationship expert and radio host, to guest blog once a week for the next ten weeks! What follows is pure dating and relationship gold that’s been mined from the deep and fertile depths of Maryanne’s rich experience. This dating gem will conclude tomorrow so please stay tuned!

Many years ago, having been married a brief time, I came home after having had a strong, yet curious, experience. One I was both eager and frightened to tell my husband about, knowing what I had to say was considered a taboo subject. Eager, because I was the taboo-slaying Joan of Arc; frightened, because I had never seen a relationship work when two people dared utter—never mind explore—the truth together.

True to my higher quest, I could not help but venture towards the rabbit hole, alone or not. I felt burdened by my experience and assumed that my partner would have at least some interest in dropping in with me (it was my unspoken ideal of what love looked like—that we care deeply about what is important to each other); at least, I hoped, and dove right in…

“Have you ever seen someone, you know, like on the street, or while you were in your car waiting at a stop light and thought to yourself, hmmm, I wonder what my life would be like right now if I was dating or married to that guy?” I said wide-eyed, rumbling on the brink of fascination. He stood, eyebrows raised, expressionless, poised like a soldier given marching orders, and walked away without saying a word…for two weeks.
Aha. Just as I suspected (frankly, as my mother warned me), men don’t want to hear this kind of thing. They don’t want to know how many men you have really slept with, how many guys you’ve dated, they don’t want the gory details about anyone’s else’s appendages, they don’t want to know you have ever experienced pleasure outside of your relationship with them, if you’re frightened, insecure, needy—and definitely don’t want to hear that you are currently wondering what it might be like to be with anyone else aside from them.

Coincidentally, the same seems to hold true for us women; we aren’t so keen on hearing that our beloved has just fantasized about another life with some other woman (or man). We don’t want to hear that YES he thought that woman who just walked by was GORGEOUS and had fabulous breasts, butt, eyes, whatever. And we definitely don’t want to know if he actually used to DATE her! Nor do we want to hear that lately the relationship isn’t spicy enough, or that they have temporarily lost interest in sex, or are considering that perhaps this is not the relationship they signed on for…and on and on. The possibilities of what we are unwilling or unable to explore or include is as endless as it is difficult!

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